Hysterectomy

I know it's been awhile since I've updated about my hysterectomy/cancer issues. So, here goes:

I went to the oncologist on September 3rd to talk over my results of my colposcopy and biopsies.  He said something for sure needs to be done, and done very soon. He suggested I either do the hysterectomy or a cone biopsy. I asked him about what I've read regarding having a cone biopsy and then it being much harder to detect cancer in the future and he said for sure it is MUCH harder to detect cancer after a cone biopsy. He stated that if I was to get cancer after a cone biopsy, it is likely not caught until very late. That sealed the deal for me. I have too much life ahead of me to still worry about it, even after having a procedure done. TAKE IT OUT! So, he agreed too, if that was my wishes, that it would be best. 

We talked for a few minutes regarding the surgery and what it entails. He said of course their is a risk in hitting my bladder because I have had two c-sections and two laparoscopies, but that there are risks in every surgery. Duh, thanks for the reassurance doc! He said he can in fact try to do a laparoscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy, but he won't know for sure until he's in the OR. 

Everything will be biopsied and examined once it's out of me to make sure there is NO cancer anywhere, and if there is, we go from there, then. He said there is always a chance that they miss the cancer cells on the colposcopies, so we just have to wait and see. 

As for now, they will take my cervix, uterus and tubes, hopefully leaving my ovaries. I talked to him about how Dr. R (who delivered Emily and Anna) said that he saw endometriosis in me during my c-section., which still blows my mind considering how easy we got pregnant with Em and Anna. I asked if he could look around and examine the area and make a determination if my ovaries needed to come out or anything else needed to be done while he was in there and he said he would. That made me feel really good. I don't have time to have another surgery to get rid of endometriosis and since I am still going to have my ovaries and therefor still have hormones, endometriosis can still grow and cause me problems! Errrr.

So my surgery has been scheduled for October 9th, 2013 at 10:30am. I have to be there at 8:30am and the hospital that I have to go to is two hours away. I am not looking forward to the day before "prep" if ya know what I mean. Blah. So, that should be a fun start, liquid diet and living in the bathroom all day before. Blah. I will be in the hospital for 1-2 days providing everything goes to plan, even though my instructions say 3-6 days. Then I hope to go to my parent's house for a few days to recover and stay in bed. Isn't exactly the vacation I was looking for. I can't do stairs but once a day for the first week and no driving for 3-4 weeks!! The nurse was very firm with me that this is major internal surgery and not like a c-section. She said I must have help and take it easy! I almost died of laughter and then told her I have five little girls, 2.5 years and younger. Must have help? Riiiiight..does this lady know who I am??

So....with a month to go, I am going to make lots of meals, try to plan some help for me and the girls, get everything together....and hope for the best.  I am going to miss the girls so much but I try to not think about it too much right now. I know this month will go so fast. I have to remember that this is the best option for me, right now and I need to be healthy for my girls and my husband. I want to live a long, happy life that does not involve cancer, so I am going to do whatever I have to do to make sure of it. I am definitely scared. It's totally different having surgery when you have children that need you. I'm Momma and we all know, no one can do it like Momma. I hate being a burden to anyone and asking for help just isn't what I like to do. I don't want to depend on other people to help me and my family. I just hate that, but I know this time I am really going to need help in so many ways.

I have 28 days left. Good gracious. I have a lot to do to prepare! Thank you for all those that have been keeping me and my family in your thoughts and prayers, it is appreciated so much. 

The Liebster Award!

This post has taken me FOREVER to write...I literally have been working on it for two weeks and I am SO glad to finally be done with it!!

This past week I was nominated by two other triplet Mommas for the Liebster Award. So sweet of both of them! Thank you to The Farrell 5 and And Triplets Make 8.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Liebster Award, it is a fun way for smaller bloggers (under 200 followers) to be recognized for their contribution they make to the blogosphere.

The rules are:

• Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.
• Post 11 facts about yourself by answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.
• Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know that they have been chosen.
• Display the Liebster Award logo.
• No tag backs - you cannot tag back someone who nominated you.

Since I was nominated twice within the same week, I am going to answer both sets of questions, make 11 questions, and then nominate 11 blogs to answer those questions.

So here are the first set of questions that I was asked from The Farrell 5:

1. If you could re-live one day in your life so far, what day would that be? Phew, that's a hard one. It would honestly be a toss up between a few days; our wedding day (for obvious reasons), Christmas Day 2010 (the first day I held each of the triplets), Emily's birth (it was a glorious VBAC and I would love to re-live that again!) and the day I graduated with my Master's Degree.

2. What is your greatest accomplishment?  I would have said my Master's Degree. That got smushed when I became pregnant with triplets. It was an accomplishment just to get pregnant. And then carry triplets to 32w2d's, that was awesome! And then to get pregnant on our own twice, that was super awesome. So after all that, I would say taking care of five little girls under 2.5 years old by myself, day to day, is quite an accomplishment, that few experience and I am proud of it!!

3. What is your favorite meal? Anything Italian. Or pretty much any seafood. Normal seafood, I'm not talking squid and nasty stuff like that.

4. What is your favorite book? Another hard one. I would say most of the Nicolas Sparks books. I couldn't pick one, I love them all. I also own every single one of them.

5. If you were to change careers, what would you do? I don't think I could pick one. I would love to be a NICU Nurse. Or a police officer. Or anything in criminal justice. Or an adoption counselor. With my social work degree, I chose to specialize in mental health because I love finding out why people are the way they are and what brought them to where they are (whether that be homelessness, mental health, criminal activity, ect.). It's just very fascinating to me. The more severe the mental health, the more fascinating to me...I know I am weird. I LOVE 48 Hours and anything on Dateline ID for this reason. Murder mysteries, kidnappings...I love it all.

6. What kind of jobs have you had? I started babysitting at 13 years old and did that all through high school. I nannied all through undergrad and most of grad school. I worked at my mom's day care center. I worked at Best Buy for a half of year (I was on the only girl with sixteen guys in the Home Theater dept ;)). I was the first person in my undergrad social work class to get a social work job, before graduation at a place called Interfaith Works. Loved my job at Interfaith Works, but during my last year of grad school, I had to quit to focus on school, my internship and getting pregnant! I had 3 internships through school, one at the county's Pre-Release Center (a place where inmates begin to re-enter into the community), then I was at Child Welfare Services (it was okay, but I hated my boss with a passion) and then my last year I was at our county jail, which was my favorite job I've ever had. I had the BEST boss, who became a good friend, and she was an amazing social worker who taught me so much. In fact, I jut received an email that she was leaving her position this month and if I wasn't at home with five little kids right now, I would do almost anything to get her job! It kinda breaks my heart that I can't!

7. What is the best thing about where you live? I think the best thing about where we live (about 40 minutes to the northwest of DC) is that you can be down on the National Mall in 40 minutes or you can be white water rafting in the Appalachian Mountains within a few minutes too. You can be a the White House or Kennedy Center or go play in mud and hike, and we live right in between both. The beach is 3 hours away too, which I can't imagine not living somewhere where there is no beach!

8. Tell us something about you that most people don't know. Hmm, I HATE wire hangers. My mom and my sister always said they were going to come over and take all my plastic hangers and switch them with wire. *shivers* Also, the hangers that I hang the girls clothes on, like three matching outfits, have to have matching color hangers too. I cannot have a white hanger and two pink hangers for three matching outfits...I couldn't sleep if that happened! ;)

9. What is your favorite thing about being a mom? Just the simple everyday stuff. Yes, it's mundane. Yes, it's hard. Yes, I have lots of bad days. Yes, I'm busy and some days I kinda complain about it.And yes, I am far from a perfect mom and my children, household are both far from perfect. But really at the end of the day there is no where I rather be than at home with my family. My little girls mean the most to me than anything in this world. Sometimes I just can't believe that this is MY life. God surely blessed me.

10. What is your favorite age (of kids)? I love when each of my babies are first born. That first month is just the best! The smell of them. The little noises. The little fists, stretches, when they are all bunched up. Oh, what is better?! But then when the start smiling and laughing, that is great too. And when they say "mama" for the first time or "I love you mama", what could be better than that? When they come running to YOU. Only want THEIR Momma! That's great too! And when they can TELL you what they want/need...it's like the heaven's are calling. Finally able to TELL you what they need/want! I swear it is so much easier that Claire can TELL me with real words what she wants/needs!

11. What is your favorite baby or kid product? Hmm, another hard one. Maybe the Baby K'tan. I can get things done that way, hands mostly free. Especially since having Anna. She is such a fussy baby and loves to be held. I wear the Baby K'tan at least once a day. Next I would say the Radian car seats that the triplets have. It made us be able to put three in a row which is a life saver. Also, the coo choo wagon. It's the simple things that make life a little easier when you have multiples. Oh, and a sound machine is a must for babies, I think.

And here are the questions I was asked from And Triplets Make 8:

1. What is your favorite type of shoe? That's totally simple; the flip flop.

2. What's one goal you have for yourself in the next five years? To potty-train my children. And get really good at sewing so I can make lots of little dresses and other things.

3.What type of candy is your favorite? Reese's pb cups. And cold, right out of the fridge is best.

4. What is your favorite season? I can't pick one. I like something about them all. Really. Winter is great because I LOVE snow and I love to ski. Also Christmas, and my birthday are in the winter. Spring is blah, but it's fun look finally look forward to warm weather, but other than that it's my least favorite season. Summer is nice because you don't have to load the kids with layers of clothes and jackets. Less to bring and less to carry. Love the beach and putting my toes in the sand. I love fall though the most I guess. The food, the holidays, all the festivals, probably number one favorite season.

5. What do you do in your free time? What's that?

6. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging in college, in grad school, I believe. I was so bored sitting in one of my classes and I can remember sitting and reading a few blogs. I think about that girl who started blogging and it's so different from the woman I am today. I was so naive and just wanted to vent. I wanted to know what others were doing to get pregnant. Why I wasn't getting pregnant. It was a way for me to connect with other people struggling with infertility. I found so many encouraging blogs and met some wonderful women, and families that I still have contact with, both in the blogosphere and in real life. People have found my blog from all over the world. I have had random people come up to me in the strangest of places and say they read my blog. I absolutely love when that happens! :) It really makes me day! I am so glad I started blogging because I had no idea that my journey would take me from infertility to five little girls in 2.5 years! I love that our family that doesn't live near us can read our adventures and see photos of the girls growing. I love that I am creating a meaningful memory book for my girls. They can look back and read why I did something a certain way, know my feelings and God forbid anything ever happens to me, they could really "know" their Momma by reading our blog.

7.What 3 words describe you best? Geeze, this was hard, I hate talking about me. Caring, organized, persistent. 

8. Are you allergic to anything? Yup, sulfa/sulfur products, latex and rubber.

9. What did you want to be when you were little? Ironically, how weird is this...all I ever wanted to be was a NICU Nurse. For as long as I can remember. And the reason I am not a NICU nurse is because I failed Chemistry twice. Well, actually failed it once, and withdrew the second time. But social work is my true passion for sure.

10. What is your favorite TV show to date? Oh my, there is no way I can pick one. I watch a lot of TV and DVR a lot of shows to watch in the middle of the night while feeding Anna and while the girls are napping. Let's see, I'll name a few: Survivor (never missed an episode ever, since I was 14), CSI (only the original), Revenge, Big Brother, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, The Little Couple, Life Below Zero, Dance Moms, Sister Wives, Breaking Amish, Extreme Weight Loss, Biggest Loser, I'm Having Their Baby, Pretty Wicked Moms, Housewives of OC and New York, Giuliana and Bill, The Kardashians (I just make fun of them the whole time!), Dateline, 48 Hours, Brooklyn DA, 20/20, Duck Dynasty, Swamp People, Smash...I'm sure there are even more!

11. What is an interesting fact about you? I can hula-hoop really well and have won many contests over the years.

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These are my questions for my nominations:

1. What is your favorite vacation spot?
2. Tell us about your children's names and what made you chose the name you did.
3. Are you planning on having anymore children?
4. Do you prefer your nails painted?
5. What's your biggest pet peeve?
6. Tell us about you best friend.
7. If you could be any animal, what you would you be and why?
8. What's your favorite way to spend a Saturday with your hubby?
9. What was your first car?
10. If you could live anywhere, were would it be?
11. What's your least favorite food?

And here are my nominations:

1. l + k + e
2. The Isham's
3. 30 Fingers, 30 Toes
4. The Burton Family
5. Born in our Hearts
6. Twins, Plus One
7. The Life of the Georges
8. Happy Wills Family
9. The Koob Triplets
10. Refrigerator Memories
11. Alexander Triplets 

I'm guilty of....

...using the TV to quiet my littles, especially when I'm alone all day with all five.

...giving Anna whole milk, on accident. Just barely an ounce with about 3 ounces of breast milk. Felt horrible and guilty for days...way longer than she felt "sick".

...not leaving the house for days, maybe even a week at a time.

...taking a nap almost every day.

...not answering the phone, because I don't feel like using another ounce of energy to talk to anyone.

...choosing the longest lines at the store just to have a few more minutes to myself.

...giving PB&J a few days in a row for lunch.

...bribing my girls with french fries. They don't get them often and it's a perfect way to get them to leave the park, come inside, leave the pool, ect...

...being jealous of the "freedoms/hobbies" my husband has while I manage everything.

...not nearly spending enough time taking care of myself, like I should.

...feeling guilty about everything I do as a parent, most days.

...skipping meals because I just don't have time to eat and I don't have the energy to make something.

...eating way too much sugar! Just ask anyone who knows me!

...wishing I was brave enough to go away alone to do nothing but relax....on a beach...in the quiet. Too much guilt about leaving my babies with anyone but their Momma.

...feeling like there will never be enough money and getting sad when I can't do/take/let my girls experience something because it costs too much, right now.

...really not liking what five kids in 2.5 years has done to my body.

...fantasizing about the day I get to take my five little princesses to Disney!

...not remembering what life was like when I just had three little babies.

...not praying enough.

...eating summer tomatoes like apples. CAN.NOT.GET.ENOUGH!

...wanting my house to always be perfect, or at least seem that way.

...being scared of change. For example, making the plunge to move to PA.

...getting mad at our dog or cat because it's jut one more thing to take care of!

...listening to the conversations my neighbors have on the phone, while they are sitting on their deck. Ha!

...leaving wet laundry in the washing machine too long and then having to re-wash it.

...not having enough patience.

Oncology Update

So I know it's been awhile since I have updated on what will be going on with my surgery to remove possible cancerous cells in my cervix. The reality is, not much has changed. I went to see the oncologist 6 weeks after my c-section and he was just as cold and mean as the first time I met with him. I really cannot stand him but I don't have much choice.

My dad came with me since I had to bring Anna too, I needed someone to watch her and frankly I wanted someone for some moral support too, since Tim had to stay at home and watch the other girls. My dad and I are really close, so it was great to have him there with me. 

After waiting over 2.5 hours (!!!!) to see the doctor, he finally came in and quickly and briefly stated that because I am breast-feeding, I am producing little or no estrogen and therefore it's like I am in menopause and therefore he can't get a good assessment of what's going on and where to go. Really, I was totally bummed and very upset that I had drove an hour, waited 2.5 hours and now it was after 6:30pm and that's all. He was so rude, but I kept telling myself that I have heard good things about him as a doctor and not to let his lack of personality affect me. He reluctantly said he would, "take a look" but that it was too soon to do anything. 

So we went into another room and he started to do a colposcopy. He then started scrapping, and scrapping and scrapping, while telling me that, "all the cervical skin is just falling off". I asked if that was normal for after you have a baby and he said, "sometimes". Thanks for the answer, doc. Then after I was was cringing and practically screaming with tears in my eyes, he stopped and got a different tool and stated that he was going to take some biopsies. I was glad on one hand because I was there and I wanted some answers but the pain was almost unbearable. Of course I was laying down, but I started seeing stars and I knew it wasn't too long until I was going to pass out. The room was SO hot. After he finished, which seemed like forever, he joked and said, "I guess I shouldn't drop this specimen on the floor", I guess implying that I was such a baby about the whole thing. Like I said, he and I are not on good terms. I looked at the cup of specimen he took and it was like at least a 1/2 cup of fluid, skin, cells, blood..whatever. I couldn't believe how much it was. 

When he left the room, I sat in almost tears. I was in so much pain, so hot and so mad that he was such a jerk. My dad came in and we talked while I collected myself while bending over the cold air-conditioning. Even my dad thought he was an idiot and was surprised at his lack of care.

So all in all, he told me to call in two weeks for my results and then come back either when I stop breast-feeding or when it's been four more months. I left completely pissed off.

My dad and I went to dinner and I took this cute photo of Anna. She loved having some one on one time with her grandpa!

I absolutely love this outfit on her!

I waited those two weeks and finally called for my results last Friday. The nurse looked up my name, paused and said, "hold on". That didn't leave me with a good feeling and of course I thought the worse. She came back on the phone and said that she needed to make me an appointment to be seen so the doctor could explain the results to me. Again, enter sheer panic. I was shocked and I asked if she could give me some information on what the results stated, specifically if it was cancer. I told her a little bit about my background and she finally told me that it was high grade lesions/cells, only in the cervix. I told her this is what it's been and asked repeatedly if anything had changed to cancer and she said, "no". I was so happy to hear. She said I still needed to make an appointment though so we scheduled one. I told her that the doctor said I didn't need to come back for 4 months but she made me make an appointment anyway. Whatever, fine. A few minutes later she called back and stated that she had just talked with the doctor and showed him my results and he stated that I needed to be seen "right away". Again, I was shocked and really wondering why things had changed so fast. There weren't any appointments available for "right away" and the soonest appointment was the one that I had already scheduled. She put me at the top of the waiting list for soonest available appointment and would call if anything changed.

So, as of now my appointment is in about two weeks, July 30th. I am pretty sure he will want to do a cone biopsy but the one thing about that procedure that makes me nervous is the fact that it makes it harder to identify abnormal cells in the future so that doesn't give me much confidence that if the cancerous cells came back, they would find them right away, and that scares me. Who knows. I will update more after my appointment on July 30th when hopefully I have some answers.

Thank you to those who are keeping me and my family in your prayers. It's always appreciated and we are so thankful to have such a wonderful support system!

Meeting with Oncologist

Yesterday evening I had my appointment with the gynocological oncologist - March 5, 2013. 

To say his bedside manner was cold, is an understatement. He never introduced himself. He never shook my hand, or my husband's. He barely even made eye contact with me. He was at some times, down right rude to my husband and I. He looked at Tim when he asked a question and pretty much barked at him for not understanding how you get cervical cancer...I seriously couldn't believe it. I was very polite and although he may not be as warm and cuddly as I had hoped for, I hope he is a good doctor. He warmed up a little bit through the appointment, but not much. 

So, anyway, he asked me a million and one questions, in which I gave him an extensive look at my history. He got a little attitudinal when he would ask me a question that pertained to when I was younger and had to turn the page he was writing on back over to add it. See what I mean. He literally acted like I was a bother and that wasn't too comforting when I am talking about the possibilities of having CANCER!

He stepped out for a few minutes and then came back to do the colposcopy. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. One of the worst I've ever had. I didn't think after talking with him for 20 minutes that he was going to be the most gentle and I was right. He was a little nicer and I know he was just trying to get a good look, but OUCH! He said there was just a lot of pressure and discomfort because I was pregnant and my uterus is bearing down on the cervix and he is on the other side pushing against the cervix. I understood that and I wanted him to get a good look. 

Basically he said the dysplasia is very deep and for as far as he could see, especially on my right side. He was very clear that there is a lot of abnormalities. He said absolutely something needs to be done after I give birth to AK in order for it not to develop into cancer. He also said that the pregnancy hormones do make the cancer more susceptible to growing because it compromises your immune system. 

He will not do any biopsies during pregnancy unless absolutely necessary.

At this time he does not think I need to deliver AK early for any reason, unless it comes back at cancer at any time. Then things chance, just as I have been told. He couldn't give me and statistics on how likely it is to develop now {or later}. Nothing can be done when I deliver her {vaginally or c-section} and I will have to wait at least 8 weeks after birth to have any type or procedure or surgery. He said breastfeeding will make me heal slower so he will prescribe some medication to help me heal faster, since I do plan on breastfeeding again. 

As to what type of procedure or surgery I will have, we will have to wait to make the decision. He said a hysterectomy is not out of the question. Could be a leep procedure, a cone procedure or a few others. We will just have to wait and see what the pap smear, colposcopies and biopsies show after I give birth. But I am glad to know that something will be done!

He also said that even a hysterectomy does not completely cure my of possibly getting cervical cancer, just as I have read. It can come back decades later in the form of other cancers.

All and all I got most of my questions out by keeping his one foot in the door and mostly got good answers. I am praising God that I can hopefully keep AK in until she reaches full-term! And I will continue to pray that nothing changes between now and the end of summer when I have some sort of procedure to stop the cancer process. He wouldn't even talk about what happens if it goes to cancer. He only said hysterectomy and radiation, but we will cross that bridge when/if that happens.

Thank you again for all the prayers and support. I so appreciate it.

Next week I will be discussing this all with my pernatalogist (Mon pm) and my OB (Wed am).

Update/Results

I don't know what else to call this post, but an update, so that's what I am calling it. 

First, once again, thank you so much to so many of you (on blogger and not) who have reached out to me and our family. Your words mean more to me than I can explain. I appreciate each and every one of you and your thoughts and prayers for me and our family. 

Yesterday, I finally caved and called the OB. Ya know, not to beg for results (okay, maybe a little!) but because I needed a prescription refill called in. So, I left a message. Not even five minutes later the number showed up on my caller ID. Thank goodness Tim was sitting there. I said, "oh goodness, it's Capital Women's Care!" I picked up and the first thing I heard was that it was, in fact, Dr. A. My heart literally sank. I was so scared. He has NEVER called, always the nurse. I knew right then and there. He said that he had received my results the day before and was searching to find an oncologist for me to go to that took my insurance. My heart sank even more. In those few seconds, maybe a minute, I thought the absolute worse.

Then he slowly started explaining to me what the pap smear said. He told me the cells and the lesions that he found. He explained to me that it still is high-grade pre-cancerous cells and lesions, and told me the differences between the ones that were found. He explained to me that apparently what they are also finding are cells and lesions that are supposed to grow inside the cervix, not on the outside. He said he didn't know if this was because I am currently pregnant or not. He said it is concerning and he wants me to see a gynocological oncologist as soon as I could. 

Numerous times he talked about terminating the pregnancy, which would of course result in a live birth at this point...but still using the word, terminating..not so comforting! Even though this is still an option, it doesn't look like it will be any time in the next few weeks, AMEN! Every week that goes by is a true miracle....and I have been down this road before with the triplets. I asked him about getting the lung shot for AK and he said that would probably happen. I really think that helped the girl's lungs be as strong as they were for 32w2d at delivery. They barely had any respiratory issues, thank God! I started receiving the lung shots at 26 weeks, I believe, up until the night before delivery. 

So basically, I could very well be having AK early if the pernatologist and oncologist believe it is the right thing to do. There will be A LOT of questions asked to both of them. Most likely either the oncologist or my OB will do colposcopies with pap smears and/or biopsies every month until AK is born and of course if at any time it comes back cancer, we go from there. If it still stays the same, then we make plans to do something after AK is born. Very soon after.

I feel good about where I am now. I feel good about the knowledge I have gained over the last two weeks from help of family members, doctors in other areas and my own research. I feel like I know more and I have more under control. 

I was so worried about having to deliver AK so soon, but I just don't think that is what's going to happen in the next four to six weeks. AMEN!

So, my appointment with the gynocological oncologist is on Tuesday evening. I have my list of questions I am preparing and hoping to get some more answers. 

Again, thank you so much for the prayers and thoughts! I so appreciate it! I will update again on Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.

So Many Thoughts...

Thank you to so many of you who shared you stories, advice, prayers and thoughts on my post a few days ago. I truly, truly appreciate it. So many of you brought smiles to my face.

I just want to get out my thoughts, here on paper (or the screen) because it's eating me inside keeping it all in my head. To be honest, some days right now are better than others, some moments are better than others. Once again, I am good at hiding my emotions and acting like everything is just peachy! That's just who I am, I keep the household moving, the stuff done (most of the time) and life just goes on. But sometimes I literally have to stop myself from thinking the worst, but it's hard not to. I don't live in a fairy tale world, and therefore I could have cancer. I am scared to death to hear the words, "you have cancer". My heart races and my stomach turns just thinking about it. But really how can I not think about? How could anyone not think about it if it was them!?! Everything is going on like normal here and day after day, I am just left wondering. My life could be so different in two weeks or even a few months from now than I ever thought imaginable! I AM SCARED. I keep thinking, "there's just no way...not me...don't think the worst..." but really, it could be me, and it could be the worst! I am no one different than the next person. I don't deserve this just as much as anyone, so who's to say it won't be me?!

I start to think about what would happen and that scares me even more. Being away from my babies. Not knowing for how long. Kemo? Radiation? Isolation? Surgery? My sweet Anna-Kate in the NICU, smaller than her sisters ever were. What if she has long term effects from being born so early and it was because of me!? What if I choose (if possible) to keep her in longer and I suffer because of it? What if my doctors don't do enough and the cancer comes anyway with the next pap-smear? Just thinking that any day, any moment, those levels can change and your cells can go from pre-cancer to cancer, just frightens the crap out of me. I want it all out of my body and now! I hate it! I hate that it's in there. I am mad that it's in there doing this to me! Making me struggle. Making me scared. Making me focus on something other than what I want to focus on. It's literally making me crazy! I hate it!!

I don't want to see the doctor's office number come up on my phone. I don't want to hear my doctor's voice. I don't want to hear the results...but yet they cant's come soon enough. I am so scared to hear them. Not knowing when they will call freaks me out too. What if they call early, is that a bad sign? If it's the doctor's voice I hear, I'll know it's the worse, but if it's only the nurse's voice, it will probably be the same. I'll more than likely be here alone, with my girls when I get the call and that scares me. How do I tell my husband that he needs to come home immediately. That our life is changing right now. How do I tell the people I care about the most? I don't even know where to begin and I don't want to.

I hate to feel like a burden. I don't want to be one. I take care of people. I always have. I am a giver, not a receiver.  Never have been. To think other people would have to help me, take care of me, take care of my children, my family...I hate that! I don't want to be a burden on anyone. Tim and I always say that no one is responsible for our family and our children but us. We have pride in that. We work well as a team, day in and day out and to think we would have to change things up, isn't what I want! I don't want anyone to have to feel they need to help, need to feel bad for us...but what would I do? This isn't me!! I hate even having to think about this!

On another thought, I am so thankful for Anna-Kate and this pregnancy in so many ways. Her little self could potentially be saving my life. I wouldn't have been going to the doctor to get a pap-smear when I did, I would have waited until sometime later this year, when it really could have progressed to be much worse than it could be now. I'll never know and I don't want to know. God has given me each of my children for such special reasons, and it's simply amazing. My sweet Madelynn, Claire and Natalee, they made me a Momma. Nothing was or could be better than being their Momma. My sweet Emily healed my heart from so many wounds that I experience through my pregnancy/birth/post-partum from the triplets. I didn't think it was possible to ever heal from the trauma I and them went through and she made me believe I could. God gave me her for a reason, for that I am sure. And now, my little bean, Anna-Kate, is possibly saving my life. If I hadn't had a pap-smear when I did, I wouldn't have known my levels were much worse than the previous year. I wouldn't have been checked and when I did, it may have been much worse than I ever feared. God has given me her for a reason too. I feel I should be on my knees thanking God each and every day for these blessings. My heart is full and I am trying to remember that each moment I feel the most scared and unsure.

I'm trying so hard to be positive. I really am. I'm scared to death and living in denial in every moment. Scared to death that I could really have cancer and living in denial that there is no way it could really happen to me. 

Cervical Cancer

To be honest, I don't even know where to start this post. Or where to go with it. It's been on my mind for sometime now and I feel like I just have to get it out. I'm not one to keep secrets or things to myself.

I have so much on my mind, it's hard to even put the words to paper. But I need to write. This is my outlet. This is how I cope. Not everyone will understand that, but I don't care. This is my blog and my choice to put my fears, my anxiety, my struggles, everything, out there.

So here goes...I apologize for the length of this post and others that will follow.

Since I was about 19 years old, I have had abnormal pap-smears. Every single year. Year after year. And so each year, I then have colposcopies with/without biopsying parts of my cervix. I have these done each year, while pregnant or not. They aren't fun, but I am used to it.

As I have talked about before, I had abnormal menstrual cycles from the time they started, endometriosis and many surgeries to help me increase my chances of having a baby. Ultimately IVF, I believed, cured me from that horrible disease.

But each year, I worry that my pap smear will be worse than the previous year. And this year (technically last year) that fear came true. Right now, my cervical cells have gone to the highest form of non-cancerous abnormal cells that a woman can have before cancer. I was surprised, but I knew this day might come. To have the highest grade of abnormal cells, where there is no where to go but to cancer, is a little scary. Okay, it's very scary. I'm 27 years old and I have five young children. I do not want to have cancer!

Tim and I spoke in length with my OB at each appointment and he had a lot of information to give me. I'll try to sum it up. Not to overwhelm anyone, I just want this for my own reference, memory and to document this journey. Basically from the lowest level of abnormal cells to the highest level of cancer, on average, takes about 10 years. From the highest level of abnormal cells (me) to the lowest form of cancerous cells, on average, is about 2-3 years. This is where I am at. Again I have had these abnormal cells for 10 years, but this is the first time it's been the highest grade of pre-cancerous cells. My last pap-smear before this past one was after I had Emily.

So this past Monday I had my colposcopy. I didn't have any biopies and my cervix didn't scream "CANCER" but there are a LOT of abnormalities, way more than even a year ago, which the same OB did, so he had a reference to go on a year ago. He did another pap-smear and I am waiting for results. We talked in length about what happens if it does come back cancerous. Apparently the cells can change very quickly. My pap-smear that showed the highest grade of abnormal cells was on December 24, 2012 and there can be significant changes in just one month, apparently. 

He talked a lot more about cancer after doing the colposcopy then he did at my other appointments, which I am trying not to read into, but of course I am.

So I wait. And wait. Most likely it will be a few weeks before we know what will happen. Of course, let me explain some more details as to what would follow. 

If it comes back as cancer, my life will take a drastic change. For starters I will have to deliver Anna-Kate via c-section "very quickly" as my doctor stated. He kept saying "things will move very quickly if it's cancer". If it keeps coming back as highest grade of non-cancerous cells throughout my pregnancy then we will make our decisions as to what to do when Anna-Kate is born (I'll explain more below). Of course this is best case scenario, and what we are praying for. But if at anytime my cells change to cancer during my pregnancy, she will need to be delivered and I will have a full hysterectomy. 

Of course this is extremely scary. EXTREMELY SCARY. I'm freaking out to be honest. I am trying to be optimistic and not think worst case scenario, but I am also trying to be realistic and not naive to the whole process. We all are guilty of thinking at some point in our life, that "it won't happen to me"...but the truth is, anything could happen to any of us. It's hard to hear, "there's a likely chance you have cancer, and your baby might have to be born at 28 weeks but you have to wait for results for a few weeks" and then go on like nothing is wrong. Go on with your life, when your life could be changing more than you ever thought possible in two weeks. 

I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm fearful. It's unsettling, hard and emotional. Cancer. We're talking about cancer. I am 27 years old for goodness sake! Lord, I don't know what to feel or what to think. Like I said, I am trying to not think about it, but honestly, how do you do that? I fell like I am not talking about me, not me, someone else. I look at my girls and it makes me sad. I feel Anna inside of me and I am sad. The scary possibilities that everything could change in just a few simple weeks. I don't know what the future holds and waiting is not fun. I am not a patient waiter.

Thinking my unborn daughter's life is possibly at risk. Thinking my life is at risk. Of course I want the best for Anna-Kate and I will fight with every being in my body to keep her in me as long as I can, but I have to follow what my OB and oncologist suggest. They are the doctors, not me. Serious NICU time, possible issues for life, a baby smaller than my Natalee...that is SCARY and frankly I don't want any of that! I know what I want isn't what always happens, so I know the only thing I can be assured of is that God has a plan here. I would hate for anything to happen to her because of me. There are just so many thoughts. I am preparing my list of questions for if it is cancer and it literally makes my mind spin in anxiety. Do I need radiation, kemo...what's the protocol? Can my baby stay in for a few more weeks or will the risk be too high for me? The list goes on and on.

And then if it isn't cancer, after Anna-Kate is born, I have a lot of choices to make. Invasive surgeries are most likely what I am looking at. I will be going to see a gynecological oncologist to look over my options. I do not want to look back next year or the following year and say, I wish I would have/could have...and I chose not to. That will not be me. I told my OB I wanted to do something that will give me the best chance of not getting cancer, of course. Unfortunately there isn't anything that can completely "cure" me of possible cancerous cells. Even a full hysterectomy will not confirm that I will never get cervical cancer (I didn't know that at all!). The cells can grow other places even without having a cervix!

There isn't much research/statistics on how many women have abnormal paps that develop into cancer versus those who don't ever get cancer. So, it's hard to say. I have found some research but not enough to narrow down (in my mind) my possibilities.

It boils down to the fact that I have five beautiful children and we are not planning on having anymore. Therefore I do not care to "keep" my cervix, but the OB at this time thinks that there are less invasive things we can do that will reduce my risks of cervical cancer than taking it out..unless of course it turns to cancer at anytime. Like I said, I will be going over the options before we make any decisions. I don't want to opt for the invasive surgery/procedure because it's easy or most accepted, I want to reduce my chances of developing cancer the most I can, and as quickly as I can.

So, if you would, I just ask for you to keep me in your prayers. I know the power of prayer, God is good! That would be most appreciative. As soon as I know something, I will update. 

Your Questions: EXTRAS

{ I know you have the Diapers for Divas (it was set up for the triplets, right?). Is that still how you get diapers? }

We don't still receive diapers from Diapers For Divas. It lasted a long time which was so wonderful and we are so thankful! Here is the post that I wrote when it finished up at 16 months.

We go through about one box of size 4 diapers from Walmart every 6 days. Sometimes it lasts 7 days, sometimes only 5. Each box is $19.99, so that's about $80-100 dollars a month, which honestly I don't think is that bad. 13 cents a diaper I think it is. Target brand is a dollar more but if I remember you don't get as many in the box. I can't remember. 

Why spend extra money on the name brand? Stupid, if you ask me. Walmart is JUST as good. Trust me, I have tried all the diapers out there and even though I swore Kirkland (Costco) brand would be the best, they ALWAYS leaked for my girls. Soo...we stick to Walmart brand and it works for us!


{ You mentioned your laundry, I want to see a picture of the mountain of laundry that 4 children under 2 must make! I know my laundry is crazy with only 2 girls, I can't even imagine 4! And very random question, did you even find shoes for them? You blogged about it a while ago, and I was just wondering. What size are they all in for shoes? }

My laundry is crazy but it hasn't ever piled up to where I should have taken a photo, well I take that back, last week when I had strep and stayed in bed for three days, everything in the house got done but the laundry and the amount of laundry I had waiting for me took three days around the clock to do. I kid you not. Sheets, blankets, regular clothes, bibs, towels, everything in the house it seemed! I do about 1-2 loads each day, if I don't it gets very overwhelming, very quickly. I don't think it's too much to stay up with because I don't mind doing laundry. I like things organized, hanging in the closet and put away where it should be. That's just me. But have laundry baskets full of clothes stayed put for a week...hell yeah, who's hasn't!? 

And yes I got the girls a pair of white shoes from Walmart about a month ago (I just looked to see if I could find a photo of them but no luck). They are pretty good for now, but I will most likely buy them another pair when it gets super cold. Natalee wears a size 4 or 5 and Madelynn and Claire wear 5 or 6.

{ Do you ever get asked questions in public? If so what kinds? Rude or nice usually? }

We always get asked questions in public. It's not nearly as bad as it was. Thank goodness. We are like celebrities wherever we go and sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. I have written about this many, many times over the past 22 months but it just isn't as bad now that the girls are older. When they were babies, we got some very mean, rude and uncalled for comments from strangers that left me speechless. But now, it's just more along the lines of, "wow you have your hands full", "did you have them all?", "I've never seen triplets!", "you must be busy", "they're all yours?", "are they quads?", "are they two sets of twins?" and the famous "do you have help?" and "how do you do it?"

Like I said in one of my other posts, I normally just say, God gives us choices every day and I choose to praise my blessing he gave me. I may have sat in the corner and cried at times but I get up and keep going! How could I not!? I have strength, hope and faith. Each day is a blessing with my children. I have been BLESSED!

I normally just try to answer the question and KEEP MOVING! I constantly hear people comment about our family, "oh look at all those kids!", "do you see those triplets?" and I just tell Tim to keep walking, keep walking!

Sometimes people can be really nice and sweet, especially when they notice me from the blog world. That's the best and nothing makes my heart smile more.

So, really we can't go anywhere and not get asked at least one or two questions. Even people we see on a regular basis, ask questions all the time. It's okay, I know people are just curious. I would be too. I look up to people who have way more kids than I have and what other moms of multiples do, so I firmly believe it's in the way you go about asking the questions. Just remember that. When some of our friends or family go places with us they get a small glimpse of what we get when we go out. I remember last year when we went to the beach and Nathan came with us and he was shocked at all the attention we got every time we left the hotel room. We are so used to it now, it's just our normal.

Nothing gets me more mad though as when people compare. I know everyone does at times, but when I may be having a bad day struggling with something and someone says how they are busy with their 2 kids who are close in age...I just laugh. It isn't the same. I carried THREE babies in my belly at ONE time! I gave birth to THREE babies at ONE time. I have THREE children the same exact age. I just smile and nod my head. 

People have said, "I had a bunch of bad luck"....LIKE WHAT!?! I almost punched that lady. Again, my kids aren't excuses or a burden. They are nothing short of a blessing and a miracle. Each and everyone of them. They were meant to be here. They are gifts from God. 

Your Questions Answered: About Tim and I

{ How often do you get out for dates with your hubby? }

Not very often. But it's not like we couldn't if we wanted. My MIL, SIL, sister, best friends and parents would babysit at anytime! We are very lucky and fortunate to have them all around. We never really have the money to spend on ourselves to a dinner, unless it's a special occasion, like our anniversary or a birthday. But then again, we normally would prefer to stay home a cook an elaborate meal together anyway. That's just us. We love to cook together and cook something that is better than just our little average weeknight meals. And to be honest, I don't think our relationship suffers because we don't get time outside the home alone that often. We have plenty of time together because we make it a priority to do so, no matter what.

{ What does your husband do for work and if you were working, what you be doing? }

My husband, Tim, works for a small electrical company that does work for Lockheed Martin, mostly at the headquarters but occasionally at a few other locations around the DC/MD/VA area. There are only 3 employees and the boss. He really likes it and has been working there since before we were married. My dad introduced him to the boss, since he had known him since he started working at Lockheed, and Tim started the next day. We are forever grateful he has such a wonderful job, that he likes and is so flexible. If I was working, I would hope that I would be doing some sort of social work job, since my Master's degree is in Social Work. I would love to be working at a jail, or a private practice under another LCSW. It would have to be something that was interesting and within mental health. I LOVED working at the jails and with severe mentally ill criminals. I miss it a lot, but I know I have many, many years ahead of me to work outside the home.

{ How do you financially plan for 4 kids? }

This is a loaded question.

Well, what can you do? There are plenty of things. You start preparing for the tooth fairy funds and go from there. Haha! Just kidding, kinda. Anyway, we firmly believe that no matter how much money you have, it will never be enough, but we don't want to base our happiness on money. We don't base our happiness on things. We base it on our happy children, our love between us, and our family as a whole. We have a great home, food on our table and we are able to live a comfortable life. Do we worry about bills, sure. Who doesn't?  Do we wish there was more money, sure. But it's okay the way it is. 

To be completely honest, and this might sounds terrible to some, but the future is the future. Things will work out. Money is not everything. But we budget and do the best we can for now to hope for the best in our future.

Will our children go to college? Absolutely, if that's what they choose. They will have to choose something, but education is very important to us so I hope they go to college. It's something I value and I want my children to have that same value. How they get that education will be a variety of ways. Yes, I firmly believe that it's a parent's duty to help your child go to college, at least the first four years, and our children will have an education savings account. Very important to us. Once they want to go further than four years, I think we may help, but that will most likely be up to them, as it was for me. We shall see. It's so hard to predict the future and wonder what our financial situation is in 15-20 years. 

So, in the meantime, I do things to help our financial situation stay the way it is or become a little better. Am I cheap? No, but where it counts I am. But do I budget, clip coupons and buy on sale? ALWAYS! I can't ever buy something full price. No. NEVER!!! I will have guilt for a month and nothing is worth that. Tim and I make sacrifices every day for our family, but what parent doesn't? Do we splurge on some things, yes. I like to shop for my home. My husband prefers to have Sunday NFL Package. So we compromise. But if it came down to food on our table and keeping the lights on, the NFL Package is going first. Ha. 

I make out a weekly menu for the week, and even though I normally have to go to the store once for something I forgot or came up during the week, I think it saves a lot of money. Buying bulk at Costco if you have the room. Example: A package of thighs of chicken - around $10 dollars for 8 packs of 4 thighs each. How do you beat that? Around $15-17 for two pot roasts. Kirkland Mayo in a tub the size of my head for $3.99. You can't even get 1/4th of that at the grocery store for $4.99!

When things are on sale, I make a lot of my homemade stuff and freeze, all the time. Chili, spaghetti sauce, ect...

I shop a lot at Walmart. No shame there. I love Walmart. And those commercials about how you can really save at Walmart versus a grocery store. Totally true. One example. Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Check it out for yourself. I kid you not. But, recently on things that I know are the same price at our grocery store, I get there because they have the whole gas points reward thing and well, we eat A LOT and so therefore I can save A LOT on my gas by buying there. 10 cents per $50 you spend...let's just say over the course of a few months, those points easily add up to over two dollars off of each gallon of gas. And our SUV, not the best with conserving gas, so any assistance is welcomed!

I shop Goodwill, thrift stores, Tot Swap, and yard sales for great deals on things I can fix up or just random things for the house or for the girls. If the girls need a black shirt to go under their halloween costume, I'll check Walmart and Goodwill or another thrift shop. Why not? The only time I won't buy used is if it's something I can get the same price somewhere else brand new. No shame! I love a good deal.

Tim and I were just talking about diapers for four kids the other day and I was saying at most it costs us $80-100 dollars a month in diapers. I don't think that's bad at all, to be honest for FOUR children. Now I buy Walmart brand because that is what works for us. I buy wipes at Costco, that are Kirkland brand and the box lasts us at least 3-4 weeks.

When we moved from Poolesville and left our $400-650 dollar monthly electric bill behind, our new home is built so much better since it's newer and so the electric bill is maybe $100 dollars. And then on the budget plan, it's very reasonable. If you aren't on a budget plan, I highly recommend it.

Tim and I do not have Iphones, Ipads, or any expensive gadgets. We don't need to waste our money on things like that. And we don't care to. We rather go on a vacation or save the money to take the girls somewhere. We aren't missing anything. ANd I don't need one more thing in my hand or buy for my attention. No thank you. We have a nice camera and a video camera. That is important to us. Documentation of our family and the events over time for our children. Like this blog. Free and so memorable for my children. Priceless. 

{ What beliefs do you want to pass on to your children? }

Another hard one. I feel like I am answering essay questions in college again. It's so hard to put into words all the things I want to pass down to my children. First, I would say the belief of God and faith. Second, the importance of family. Third, the importance of love, responsibility, and honesty. Do onto others as you want them to do onto you. Teach love and friendship and how to care for each other. Put others first before you, but don't forget that it's okay to put yourself first at times too. I want to teach them to be happy, healthy, productive women to contribute to making our world a better place. There are so many things.

Family is one of the most important things I want my girls to know. My MIL is one of five girls and I see the love and friendship that her and her sisters have (they are spread out over ten years) and I only hope my girls will be as close as them, always. I love it. It's so neat and I hope my girls will see how close they all are and want to be the same. It may sound morbid, but I honestly think how any day could be our last and I am so glad my girls have each other, since one day I won't be here. What a beautiful blessing to have siblings. There is no better gift. 

I could write a book on all the things I want to pass along to my children and what I hope to teach them in their lives, but honestly, I can't put it into words right now. My day is wasting away and I need to finish so many things before this hurricane hits.

Tomorrow, I'll have any extra questions that anyone has had. And hoping I still have power by then! I'm sure we will, so I am not too worried!

Your Questions Answered: Motherhood

{ Sorry I haven't been around much this past week and weekend. The wedding is over. Amen! And then just when I thought things would calm down, I got a sore throat which turned into me going to Urgent Care on Monday night and being diagnosed with strep. It's been nothing short of HORRIBLE...fever, and all. I haven't been this sick in years...that wasn't from being pregnant! :) I am slowly catching myself up after two days in bed and having Tim home from work to care for all five of his girls. And just when things were looking up, Claire has a fever now! It never ends...but that's just motherhood! }

{ How do you manage with 4 kids? / I've always wondered how you handle having four kids SOOO close in age. I'd imagine you just take it one day at a time. }

I get this question A LOT. People always ask me how I do it, and the answer I always give is: what am I supposed to do? Sit in a corner and cry?! God only gives you what you can handle and so he knew I could handle these precious little girls! Don't get me wrong, there were days when I cried right along with the girls, but those were the days were I was puking my guts out when I was pregnant with Emily...and that didn't last as long as I thought it did, looking back. My days are not that bad. I think people think it's a lot more work than it really is. When you only have one baby, you think, oh my, how could I do this times three or four. 

But the secret is, I think I have it easier in some ways. First, my girls entertain each other. They play with one another so they aren't so needy when it comes to being attached to Momma. They have built in play-mates, who are all the same sex and same age as them and that is a true blessing! They honestly could care less about me and if I am around, unless they get hurt. Second, once I am done with a certain stage, it's over. Teething, bottles, potty-training, when it's done it's done. I don't have a fourth grader, first grader, preschooler and a newborn. That is MUCH worse in my thoughts! For example, which I always use is, we can all ride the rides together. Again, I don't have different age groups to tend to and make happy. No one has to pout because we are riding the tea cups for the hundredth time. Everyone being so close in age and all the same sex is such a blessing! So really, to be honest, I don't think of having multiples as anything but super awesome and in some ways totally easier. God picked me. He knew that I could handle this. He knew my strengths and what I could do, so therefore I trust in Him.

Just the other day I was at our Infants and Toddler play group at the park and one of the therapists told me that I had the best personality when it came to dealing with my children. She said I was so positive and had such a great attitude. It seriously made my day. I am much more laid back and easy-going I think because I have had four kids in such a short amount of time. You don't have time to dwell and worry about stupid little things...that in the long run probably don't matter. I'm not sitting here comparing my kids to others, because I just don't have time for stupid things like that.

Another thing, I don't make excuses for having four kids and doing things all by myself. Yes, I may complain that things take much longer or that I can't do what others can easily do but I don't use that as an excuse NOT to do something. One of my best friends was just telling me that she met another woman with 6 year old triplets and she and her husband took them on their first vacation this year (at SIX YEARS OLD!!!!!) and that it would be their last because the kids were so bad! Umm, that is just ridiculous to me!!! Maybe they were bad because they had never been away from the house before? Those poor kids, and those poor parents!!! I am not going to get into how horrible that is because I could honestly write a whole post on it. We went to the beach when the girls were 8 months old and I was 4 months pregnant. Again this year, we didn't think twice about going to the beach and EVERY year we will go somewhere. We don't NOT do things just because we have a large family. NO WAY! My girls deserve just as much as a family with only one or two children. I can't stress this enough. No matter what it is, I will always try to make it work for my girls. They deserve it. It may be harder, and Tim and I may have to remind ourselves that we aren't using our children as an excuse at times, but we will make it work and I am very proud of that.

{ Do you follow a strict routine? }

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! I am a FIRM believer on a scheduled routine! I wouldn't know where to begin without one! My motto is PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE!!!

See next question.....

{ What does your typical daily schedule look like? }

Our typical day looks like this:

7:30AM - Emily wakes up. I change her. I get her dressed (most days). Bring her downstairs and she eats her two jars of food and plays in her high chair.

8:10AM - Big girls get up: I change them. We pick out outfits. Everyone gets dressed and then they go downstairs right to the kitchen to their high chairs. We say "hi" to baby Emily and blow her kisses.

Normally, I have already started breakfast or made it, because they are normally starving. I give them their breakfast, fill their water cups and give them out. (See below for foods they eat.)

While the big girls are eating, I am either feeding Emily (if she didn't eat earlier), snacking on something myself, making my coffee/tea/hot chocolate or sneaking over to the computer for a split second. 

Girls finish up. We wash hands, give kisses, count the sheep (there are 7 sheep and we point to and count each one every single morning) on this Americana country picture in our kitchen and they go play.

I take Emily out of the high chair and she goes on her play mat/chick pen, so she can crawl around and be safe.

I stay in the kitchen and clean trays, empty dishwasher, clean up all the dishes, and kinda figure out what I'll be making for lunch. I wash out the bottles, wash bottle tops if I need to and pick out Emily's lunch and set it next to her high chair. Sometimes I throw the laundry in the dryer or washer. Clean up upstairs: diapers, bottles, find binkis that were thrown under/behind cribs. I take out what's for dinner.

9AM - I talk to my MIL for about 15 minutes.

9:20AM - The girls normally are starting to get antsy about now and so I put on Barney and it always calms them down from fighting with each other.

I am normally either doing more laundry, vacuuming, making something, checking emails, making phone calls. 

I switch Emily from time to time from her play mat, to the walker, to the bumbo, to sitting with me, ect.

10AM - Make Em a 4 ounce bottle and she practices feeding it to herself, with Momma's help..but she can pretty much do it herself now.

We all play, do play-dough, color, dance or go outside on the deck. Just depends. I still do laundry, put away clothes, ect...

11:20AM - Lunchtime. I make up lunch pretty quick, and get the girls in their chairs. They eat and I fed Emily her two jars. She plays in the high chair while I finish lunch for the big girls. I prepare bottles for nap time.

When the girls are done, they wash their hands and go back to playing.

I clean up the kitchen, the trays and set everything out for dinner that I will need.

12:15PM - We go upstairs for nap. The girls climb the stairs and go into their room and wait by their cribs for me (we are working on them listening to my directions...ha!). I change their diapers, put on the sound machine and they drink their bottles and go to sleep.

12:30PM - I give Em another 4 ounce bottle and rock her. I put her in her bed, turn on monitor and sound machine and she goes to sleep.

Now, I normally shove something to eat down and finish up my chores around the house before laying down and watching TV, browsing the internet or taking a nap myself. I must say, it's normally watching TV and then falling asleep for at least an hour. I make it a priority to lay down. I need it. I make time for it.

3PM - Tim gets home. We talk. He showers. Sometimes, I go and run errands or go to the grocery store during this time if I need to pick up something quick.

3:45PM - We get all the girls up. Change them and come down stairs. We all play and I start dinner. Sometimes we go for a walk or to the park. if it's a nice day.

5:30PM - Dinner for the girls. Tim feeds Emily her three jars and she plays in her high chair. I make bottles for bed time and wash bottle tops if needed. Emptying the dishwasher, putting more laundry in...it never ends.

Tim and I sometimes eat now with the girls, or sometimes we wait until after they go to bed. Just depends. We clean up the kitchen and toys and get everything ready for the following day.

6:45PM - Bath time. We all go upstairs. Emily goes in the swing and we bath the big girls all together in their bathroom. One at a time one of us takes each out, and gets them dressed. They sometimes can play in their room or the go straight in their beds for quiet time. They get their bottle and a few books. We give kisses and hugs, say prayers, ect. They sometimes watch a few shows such as Elmo, Barney or Sing Along Songs. Depends on how the night is going.

Tim gives Emily a bath and I take my shower. If we haven't eaten, then we eat.

7:30PM - I gave Emily a 8 ounce bottle and rock her. She goes in her bed and falls asleep.

8PM - If the girls are watching a show, I go in their room, collect bottles, give them all their lovies, blankets and such (because normally they have thrown everything out) and turn everything off and give last kisses and hugs and say night-night.

Phew, that's my day...day in and day out!

I must say the girls are very good listeners and follow my commands pretty well for only being 22 months old. I like to keep my chicks in a row. :) They can find their shoes, sit where I tell them, come when I call them...and listen to most things I say. But don't get me wrong, let's keep it real....they ARE only 22 months old and love to wonder at times. I have a pretty good routine to get out of the house by myself with them all. Loading everything we need and then the girls, and myself...and maybe not forgetting anything...I have it down to a science and like I said, I can be out of the house in record time. 

{ What is your favorite thing about being a mommy of multiples? }

I think many people think being a mom of multiples is sooo hard, but yet, I think it is a lot better than having one at a time (see above questions). My favorite thing would have to be watching the relationship of my girls unfold. It's amazing and so interesting to see the dynamic between triplets with having a set of identical twins and then a fraternal and then also a singleton, but so close in age. It's neat to see how they interact and how alike or not alike they are at different stages. Just because the triplets were born together and just because Madelynn and Claire are identical doesn't mean that they aren't completely different individuals. Not many people can experience sitting back and watching multiples day in and day out. The dynamic is so neat. I love seeing how sometimes they really seem to be like quads and other times like two sets of twins. Just in the last few weeks Natalee has been SO attached to Emily. She always wants to be near her, sit next to her and play with her. It's so cute and I hope it continues and they are always best buds.

{ What kinds of meals/snacks do you feed the girls what kind of foods do they like? }

The girls loved pretty much every single fruit and veggie known to man! They love peas, carrots, corn, corn-on-the-cob, green beans, french fries, broccoli, bananas, apples, strawberries, blueberries, yogurt, chicken nuggets, toast, pancakes, waffles, pizza, spaghetti, pasta, pop-tarts, applesauce, grapes, fish sticks, hot dogs, bologna, bread, pickles, olives, cucumbers, cheese, brown rice, white rice, mac-n-cheese, fruit snacks, any dried fruit, mandarin oranges, fruit-cocktail, pears, pineapple, raisins, chips, cheese curls...I could go on and on! 

They LOVE pizza right now and I can always get them to eat it! I always give them a lot of fruit and veggies with every meal and that's probably why they aren't big meat eaters. Claire loves anything with ranch dressing and they have just discovered ketchup and loving dipping their hot dog into the ketchup.  Madelynn and Natalee don't care for PB&J yet, but Claire loves it.

I don't give them juice but maybe twice a month. I don't give them snacks unless we are out or I know they will be eating at a different time than they are used to and a snack would be like cheerios and raisins or something healthy. 

I have tried giving them sweets, like a cookie here or there and really they could care less. However, Claire, she LOVES sweets and will eat any cake that is put in front of her. I never hold out on them when it comes to sweets. :)

I am a firm believer in you eat what you have on your plate. I never plan on making a hundred different things for each of them every night. No thank you. If you don't eat, then you don't eat. They will not starve. 

I still do give them two 10 ounce bottles a day. I know...HORRIBLE. Shoot me. I don't care. Honestly, I want them to have the fattening calories of the whole milk since they are still so underweight from being preemies. I don't care what the doctor says, I know many people including myself who had bottles until much older and we all turned out just fine. I will start weaning them at two. It's just a calorie thing right now.


Any other questions on motherhood?