Thank goodness for my supportive, loving and caring husband who never left my side and took great care of me all night through, even though he had to lay on an inch-wide bench. Around 7am, people were already sworming my room getting things ready for the delivery, which was scheduled for 10:30am. My mom came and all I wanted to do was take a shower and wash my hair before I was going to be bed-ridden for awhile. Little did I know! I am so glad I took that shower. I could barely stand, and thank goodness for my mom who basically washed my hair and back and never left my side in the shower. Because I wasn't in a recovery room and still in a labor and delivery room, I had a bath tub, not a walk in shower and I just remember how hard it was to get over the tub. I could not lift my legs or bend them by myself, I'll never forget that. It was something you can not imagine unless you have been there. It was unbelievable. Not to be able to sit on a toilet, sit on the edge of the bed, just walk. It was horrible. As I was drying and straightening my hair, I never remember being sad or anything. Still I just don't remember feeling like I was about to give birth. I was so sick and focused on how horrible I was, I guess I really didn't have time to think about the actual delivery that was upon me, nor did I actually believe it was about to happen.
I remember Dr. Pinckert (who has a daughter named Madelynn Christine) coming in and one of the NICU doctors, Dr. Boykin (also who has a daughter named Madelynn, we learned later on) talking to me about everything. It seemed like such a blur. All the NICU gibberish...I had no idea how much I would learn in the weeks and months to come!
Tim was given his scrubs and he changed and I thought he looked so cute. Haha, I also remember him taking the last photos of me and my big belly! The pictures just do not do it justice! I also wish I had photos of my legs and feet!
My dad took some video and I am so thankful I have that video and what I looked like moments before delivery! Something I will cherish forever!
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| You can see how fat and swollen my fingers looked!! Yuck! |
I remember after seeing Dr. Pinckert and talking about the pre-ecalmpsia and how bad it was, that's when the emotions started. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and my mom sitting behind me and I just cried and cried. The time was coming and I finally was scared, sad and all of the sudden so not ready for what was upon me!
I started walking down the hall and saying good-bye to my parents. I was so emotional and pretty much just a mess. I walked so slow. I wanted to remember every feeling and emotion I was having before I was to become a Mommy. I wanted to remember how swollen I was. How sick I was. How scared I was. How big and extended my belly was. How it felt to be pregnant. How it felt to be pregnant with three babies! How I was still so blessed to have carried TRIPLETS and now I was about to deliver TRIPLETS!
I sat on the edge of the bed with the nurses and was just hysterical because all of the sudden everything was so real, and my life was about to change FOREVER. This is what I had waited my entire life for and yet I was so not ready all of the sudden. Not ready to let my big belly go. Not ready not to feel these girls inside of me every again. My heart would be outside of my body divided in three little girls forever. I will never forget all those emotions. I just wanted to hold and rub my big belly for just a few more minutes. I apologized for crying and told the nurses I just wanted to remember these last few minutes with my big belly before it was all over. The waiting to become pregnant and then being pregnant, it was all over. It may have felt like an eternity but in that moment it felt like it had gone by in the blink of an eye. I never knew if God would bless me to be able to carry another baby ever again and so I just wanted that moment to last a little longer than it did.
The nurses were so sweet and held my hands while my spinal was being done. I was a little nervous about it but really it was nothing. The anesthesiologist was so nice and comforting and before I knew it he was all done. As I layed down, I took one last look at my BIG belly and said a prayer. I was glad when the spinal started taking affect because laying flat on my back was very difficult and very uncomfortable with all the weight.
Tim came in and I was so happy to see his face. He gave me a kiss and suddenly I was just fine. Slowly the spinal kept taking affect. I remember all the numerous people in the room. The three warmers with nurses, NICU doctors, surgeons, the anesthesiologist, breathing support for the girls and who knows how many other people. I was just so thankful for technology at that moment too, it sounds funny at the time, but I just remember thanking God for having so much advanced technology and such educated people being able to assist us in having babies and now all the support to save my babies and give them the best start at life they could possibly have. So many aren't so lucky and I am so thankful!
Within minutes Dr. Pinckert was in the room and ready to go. He kept asking if I could feel him pushing on my tummy, and I kept saying, "yes, I can feel that!!" I was scared they would start cutting and I would be able to feel it, but when they started I never felt anything, although my feet never went completely numb.
Another few minutes and I began getting cold and shaking uncontrollably. It was pure hell and SO painful. I have never had so much pain in my neck from the shaking and I kept asking the anesthesiologist if that was normal and he always was so kind and put his hand on my shoulder and reassured me nothing was wrong. It was all normal. My blood pressure stayed high, but didn't budge during the c-section. Praise Jesus.
Tim stood up to watch his daughters come into the world and before I knew it, I heard a cry. The first cry of my daughter. I immediately got tears in my eyes and was a mess. I looked up at Tim's eyes and he showed the same emotion and gave me a big smile while squeezing my hand. It was pure wonder. We were finally parents. Parents to a little girl, our Baby A, our sweet little Madelynn Christine. I didn't get to see her, although I knew she was to the left of me in the first of the three warmers with the nurses. Within one minute, Baby B was born, a little identical twin girl to Baby A, our sweet Claire Elizabeth. We never heard Claire cry because even though she came out the easiest said the doctor, she did not want to breath at all on her own. She was put on the ventilator very quickly and pretty much rushed out of the room within minutes. I saw her through the incubator with the nurses breathing for her and that was it. Just a very quick glance at a tiny little baby. My daughter.
At the time of course I knew nothing of why she was being taken so fast, I didn't think anything of it in fact. A minute after Claire was born, our third daughter, Baby C was brought into the world. Our fraternal triplet, our sweet peanut, Natalee Lynn. Natalee was cleaned off and actually brought over to us to see her. It was magical. Pure elation. I got to give a kiss to my daughter and touch her. She was perfect. She was pink and warm and so beautiful. I never wanted to let go, but I knew I had to. She was so small and so not ready to be out in the world quite yet. She was so strong though and little did we know how strong she really was. Stronger than her big sisters even. She was a fighter from the time she took her first breath. No ventilator needed at all.
So within three minutes, my whole heart was divided outside of my body and my world was changed forever. My love was uncontrollable for the three little girls Tim and I were so blessed with. Oh God is good! I was so thankful and so emotional.
I remember through the uncontrollable shaking that I started smelling something burning. The anesthesiologist asked Tim to sit down, after he had watched all of his daughters come into the world and take their first breath. I had no idea how hard it was to get Natalee out of my extremely extended uterus or what was happening in the minutes after her birth. I asked Tim what was going on, and he just said, "they are pouring buckets of water in you." Interesting, I thought, okay, that must be normal.
I had started to bleed and bleed and bleed. The bleeding wouldn't stop. It got worse in fact. Dr. Pinckert was very confused and taken back. Everything he was trying wasn't working and he said I had already lost a lot of blood. He decided to start some drugs that would make me contract and hopefully stop the hemorrhaging. I really had no idea what was going on, where I was bleeding from or what would happen. All I could think about was my little girls. I just didn't know anything other than I was bleeding from the back of my uterus, where it separated from my abdominal wall after Natalee was born. She was just so stuck up inside of me and when she was pulled out, my uterus just collapsed and therefore along with the extremely severe pre-eclampsia, there was no way around the bleeding. (I have learned A LOT about the situation through this year, from different doctors and even though Dr. Pinckert handled it very well and did his best, he should have known that 100% I was going to hemorrhage and therefore should have predicted it and been more prepared for it and there were many OTHER things he could have done which would have prevented this entire story below.)
Finally, the doctors just decided to sew me up and hope for the best and that the bleeding would finally stop. I was started on the wonderful magnesium sulfate for my blood pressure, which is a horrible drug and makes you completely unaware and even hallucinate. I was covered with warm blankets and transferred to another bed and then rolled into recovery. I don't remember being rolled into recovery at all, all I remember is waking up to my mom. She was there and then my dad. My MIL came back and my sister and then Tim. Tim had already gone to check on the girls. I was completely out of it and drifting in and out of consciousness the entire time. The nurses kept coming and pushing on my stomach and watching the blood hit the floor. Yeah...hitting the floor. I was severely bleeding and my blood pressure started to rise.
Finally, someone decided to move me into the Labor and Delivery room, a different room than I left when I went into the OR. I remember being wheeled in there and apparently my family and friends had been in there for awhile eating pizza and such...brats! I was still out of it and still bleeding. I remember my best friend was there and some of my family, but I can't remember who. I do remember the nurses and doctors in the room pushing on me more and more blood hitting the floor. (My best friend told me a lot of the details I wasn't aware of after the fact.) I was bleeding very badly. My mom was in the room and Tim too. The doctor asked everyone else to leave and he asked for anesthesiology to come back, because I was gaining more feeling and it was pleasant. He said, he was trying everything but nothing seemed to be working. He asked then for the surgeon to come back and also asked the nurses to clear an OR room if needed. That's when I really knew I was in danger. It was hard for me to comprehend everything, but I knew something was terribly wrong and this was not normal at this point. I was given more drugs to sedate me, amen. I didn't want to feel anything. I was so swollen and the doctors and nurses tried to extend my legs up in the air and put them in stirrups which was EXTREMELY painful because my legs would not move, nor could they because of how swollen I was.
Finally after awhile, an hour or so of the doctors working on me, they just couldn't do it. They said they would have to take me back to the OR. I asked if Tim could come and they said no. I was scared. I remember looking at him in shear fear. I was so scared. Dr. Pinckert said there was a good chance that I could loose my uterus and if he needed to do it to save my life, he would. Of course I didn't care what needed to be done to save my life, but I was so scared and so not ready for that thought. I was only 24 years old, I told Tim no, no, no and he said, "look honey, we have three beautiful and healthy daughters, whatever has to be done, has to be done. It'll be okay." I didn't want to leave him but I had no choice, it was clearly an emergency now. I don't even remember saying good-bye again to anyone but Tim. I was so cold and still shaking so badly. As soon as I got back to the OR, the sweet older surgeon was still there and he brought me warm blanket after warm blanket. (Even the nurses were complaining how cold it was in the room.) I will never forget how sweet the surgeon was though. The brought in "candy cane stirrups" and I remember joking and saying, tis the season and everyone laughed. It seemed to take forever for them to get started but they wanted to call in a million people back in case I needed the hysterectomy, so they waited for the anesthesiologist to be ready in case I needed more sedation.
Even though I knew I was sick, I really didn't know how truly sick I was. I remember how hard it was for my legs to go back up in the stirrups and how I felt like an elephant was on top of me. They began to work for awhile longer and finally were hoping that what they did was going to work and stop the bleeding. I asked what they were doing and they told me that they used a catheter to put a balloon up inside me through my cervix to the top of my uterus and then slowly filled it with water to "clot" me and then filled me with yards and yards (no really!!) of gauze! They also pumped me with loads of anti-bioitics too for fear of infection.
Finally I was rolled back into the Labor and Delivery room, and almost immediately started with my blood transfusions. Within minutes of getting blood, I remember feeling so much better and everyone said the color in my face returned. I had lost about 1/4 of my blood, so I had two transfusions with the possibility of more the following days.
Of course everyone wanted to see the girls but Tim was so focused on me and how I was doing that he put a hold on everyone seeing the girls until he knew how I was and he could be assured I was okay and safe. Finally when he was able to see me, he took our family back and forth to the NICU to see the girls but Tim had very strict orders that no one was allowed to hold them until I did. This was something Tim and I never discussed but I guess he knew what I would want. I thank him from the bottom of my heart for that decision. He got to hold Natalee and Madelynn first during the first two days of their life, and then I was able to hold Claire first on Christmas morning. (more on that on Christmas day!)
I was still very out of it for the rest of the day and still on the magnesium. Traumatized a little and still scared. I had some visitors but I don't remember much of the rest of the day. I do, however remember how thirsty I was. I was so thirsty and all I was given was ice chips and my wonderful husband who was told not to let me eat but a few, was very conservative on the ice. I was ready to kill him. I was just so thirsty but he went with the doctors orders.
Finally they allowed me to have some water. And then I was able to eat some clear liquids and they gave me some yellow jello, which wasn't lemon, but it was the best darn thing in the world. I would have done anything for that jello and to be honest, I am looking forward to it this time, hahaha! Just something with taste, was so yummy.
I wanted my mom to stay with me overnight so she went home for a little while and then came back. I was give pain medication and soon thereafter started throwing up. It took a few times before I realized it was from the pain medication. It was not fun to continuously puke all over myself, wake up my mom and Tim, have the nurses clean me up, change the sheets and then do it all over again. It's hard to puke while laying down, in bed and not being able to move at all! I couldn't sit up barely at all because of the swelling in my upper legs and the balloon. No fun!
I can't remember whether I slept any that night or not, just that the next day was Christmas Eve and I had still not been able to see my little sweet girls.
Oh my goodness, Holly! I had no idea. They had to put me on Magnesium too after the Sams were born and that was horrible stuff! Praise the Lord though that your girls and you are okay!
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