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I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for awhile now. I just can't seem to put the words together. But I can't stand feeling like I am lying to people by keeping this secret. I hate keeping secrets.
I've been in complete denial. Blocking it from my mind.
I should have known.
I feel guilty. I feel angry. I feel lost. I feel sad. I feel happy. I feel scared. I feel like I just don't know. I feel like I am a bad Mom. Honestly, it's hard to put into words how I really feel, I just feel so many things, good and bad.
I was nauseous.
I couldn't eat big meals without feeling like I would get sick.
I was craving pizza again. And pickles. But that's just me, right?
I was tired, but I'm always tired.
I was light-headed and feeling faint if I got up too quick.
I was thirsty. So thirsty. Lemon water tasted oh so good again.
I had headaches. Ugh, I hate headaches.
And most of all I was missing that "time of the month" for two months. But it was just my body getting back to normal, right? No big deal.
WRONG!
But it couldn't be. How could it? The possibility is less than ten percent for us. But we had a one percent chance of triplets, and that happened. Oh no! Why am I another statistic?
I prayed. Lord, please, what is your plan here? This isn't the way it was to happen. Not now. So many questions. I have too much on my plate. I barely make it through each day now. I have six month old triplets for goodness sake!!!!! Why right now? I'm not ready. Just not yet. My body isn't ready. My mind isn't ready. More importantly, my heart isn't ready. Please, show me the way. I'm so lost and confused. I'm just not ready. My time is so limited with my beautiful girls now, I can't and I don't want to split it anymore than I have to right now. I love them so much it hurts. I'm being a bad Mom. Lord, help me!
I cried and I cried.
So many emotions. But ready or not, the Lord has blessed us and I'm pregnant.
Details to Follow...
Oh my goodness! Wow! Congratulations! Can't wait to hear the details. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my! Congrats! Never saw that coming! But God certainly does things in his own timing, not ours!
ReplyDeleteHolly,
ReplyDeleteYou are the best mom that I know! I know I have told you that everything happens for a reason and that god has a plan for everything and he wouldnt give you more than you can handle. I'm excited to be an aunt again and congrats to you and Tim! It will all be ok. Love all of you guys and see you very soon!
Congratulations! Perhaps not the timing you had hoped for but God is in control. You are an amazing mom and this little baby is blessed to have you as their mom. I am so happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI already consider you super mom and I KNOW you will be able to handle it. God knows what you can handle. :) You are going to be such a blessing to these little babies, but I know this must be hard and I am thinking and you and praying for you. :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Momma!!!! :)
Holy heck!! I can certainly understand your huge mix of feelings. Wow... well, all babies are blessings and miracles, and if you can handle triplets you can certainly handle one more baby. I'm not saying it won't be challenging, but you've already proven yourself to be very capable. So congratulations! That is wonderful that you guys conceived naturally!
ReplyDeleteHurray!! I know that must be so shocking and you probably are wondering "can I do this?" and the answer is, "most definitely!" The Lord would not give you a burden more than you can bear and if anyone can do it, it's you. You are already doing so amazing with your sweet girls and I know you will be an amazing mother to this next sweet spirit. Congratulations!!! So happy for you guys!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Congratulations Holly! I can imagine all these emotions and how they must have been racing through your heart and mind. However, may you now experience the peace and joy that comes only from Him. He is the One who gives you the strength and grace, and just like he did with the fish and loaves, He will multiply your time and energy too. I can't wait for more details!!!
ReplyDeleteOH MY! I have never commented (I don't think) but I thought now would be a good time to leave my first comment to say....CONGRATULATIONS! You are an awesome mommy!! This baby is blessed to call you mommy & if anyone can handle this, it is YOU!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! You will do great! The Lord will give you wisdom and multiply your time!
ReplyDeleteyou are raising triplets.... with the grace and skill of an old pro - what is one more baby???? holly you will do amazing!!!! and you will have enough love, how could you not! this is so awesome and beautiful and just the icing on the 3 (now 4) tier cake that God made for you because of what an amazing parent He KNOWSSSSS you and Tim will be.
ReplyDeleteOh. My. Word! Wow, that is crazy. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Heck, after having 3 babies 1 will probably seem pretty easy! What a blessing for your family!
ReplyDeleteyou are a strong person - handling three you have done an amazing job. One more makes more fun
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