Pregnancy #3, Baby #5; Weeks 1 - 12

Here are my last details when I was pregnant with Emily. It's very interesting to read that post and then read this one. My life and attitude is so different this time.

AND...thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on my announcement and on Facebook and through email. It feels wonderful to have such supportive friends and family....even if I don't personally know you, I truly appreciate it!!

Monday, October 22nd: My thoughts about this pregnancy have been a little different than when I got pregnant with Emily. The past week plus one day has been hectic, stressful and well, it hasn't given me much time to think about the reality that we will be adding a FIFTH child to our household. FIVE. NUMBER FIVE! This is the first time I have been able to sit down and write about my thoughts about the last month. So here goes...

I knew I was pregnant this time. No doubt. I knew. Call it a mother's intuition. I just knew. But was I in denial? OF COURSE. I started having little sneezing attacks. Just like the past two times when I was pregnant. I felt bloated. I was hungry. I was almost passing out when I would get up really fast from laying down. I was weak going up the stairs. I was so tired BUT couldn't sleep! I was late. Very late. Even later than I thought when I looked at the calendar.  And I knew I wanted to take a test but I knew I could not keep a secret from my MIL and her family the entire week before the wedding. She would look at me and know. I was sure of it. It happened when I was pregnant with Emily. One of Tammy's sisters, said "you're pregnant, aren't you?" and I hadn't even been out of the car after arriving at their house for more than five minutes. They would know. I was sure of that too. And I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to make the week anything but what it was supposed to be..about my sister-in-law, Megan. It was her wedding. Her day. Her week. And I wasn't going to spoil her good time. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

But I was spotting. Had been for over a week. And instead of thinking about me keeping a secret, I knew I had a baby to protect and even though I rather live in denial, I wouldn't do anything that might harm my baby. So I needed to know, for sure. Again Tim begged me to take the test and finally I agreed....even though I knew.

I took the test on Sunday, October 14, 2012, in the morning and within two seconds the positive sign appeared.  Tim was right there, of course, and once again, he had nothing but wonderful things to say. We hugged and kissed and he said, "no matter what, it's a blessing!" And of course it is. But is it perfect timing for us and our family, no, not exactly.

I laid back down in bed and almost started crying. I don't even know why. I already knew. Who was I trying to fool? Oh yeah, myself. Please don't get me wrong, any baby is a blessing. But no one walks in my shoes except for me. No one is responsible for my family except my husband and I. Did we want to eventually have another baby? Yes, we talked about it and we said we would decide if it happened, it happened but were we taking precautions to prevent another baby right now...you bet we were. And once again, it still happened. It happened way sooner than I ever thought, once again. And once again, I layed there in shock. I wasn't in nearly as much shock as I was when I found out I was pregnant last time though.

5 kids in 2.5 years. Holy crap. That has to be some sort of a record. I mean, come on. All I ask is for a special place in heaven, Lord!

But I continued to spot. Everyday. Some days a little more, some days a little less. I called the doctor and told them, and they said an array of things it could be. Because it wasn't heavy or painful, most likely it wasn't a miscarriage yet and therefore the doctors didn't care to see me this early on. I prayed. Whatever God's plan was, it will be. I know that.

Today is Monday, October 22nd, I'm now just over 6 weeks, I think. I should be 7 weeks on Thursday. 7 weeks is when hell breaks loose for me. All day sickness. Puking a hundred times a day. Not being able to eat. Not being able to function. 7 more weeks of pure hell until it normally subsides for the most part. Blah.

I don't have an appointment yet with the doctor. No one knows I am pregnant but a few very close friends. Like I can count on one hand who knows so far. Not even our parents and siblings. I hate keeping a secret but I just don't have the strength to say the words, "I'm pregnant again", and have looks of shear panic and people judge me.

Today is Thursday, October 25th and I should be 7 weeks today. No more nausea yet. Amen or a bad sign? Staying positive about it. Maybe it's a boy. But I would be lying to myself if I didn't say that I was a little worried. Worried that something just isn't right. After all, there is that spotting that I have had since my period was suppose to come...and it's still here. I know there are plenty of healthy pregnancies that experience spotting, but neither one of my pregnancies did. Maybe it 's different this time. I don't know. I still hate keeping it a secret. I feel like a bad person, honestly. I don't like to keep secrets. I had strep throat all this week. Was at Urgent care Monday night thinking I was dying, the pain was so bad. Holy hell, the anti-biotic was the slowest one I have ever been on, I swear. Tim took off two days to be Mr. Mom and take care of his wifey and all the girls. We are lucky to have him. What a wonderful man. I slept a lot and lost probably 10 pounds from not even being able to swallow my own spit. Yeah, lovely, right!? My mom kept asking if I was talking advil because I kept saying I was taking tylenol and I had to keep lying to her and saying I was taking advil too because, ya know, I'm NOT pregnant. I just wanted to scream (okay, more like whisper because I could barely talk!) that I wasn't taking advil because I can't because I am pregnant. I chose not to though.

Today is Monday, October 29th and I have been feeling pretty good. Just a few blows of nausea and just really tired. All in all I think pretty good so far. The spotting has completely stopped as of now. Makes me feel much better but I still cannot wait to see the doctor and confirm this miracle and know that everything is okay.

Today is Thursday, November 1st and I should be 8 weeks today! Wow! I cannot believe it! I am still feeling good. Not sleeping very well still and if I don't eat on a regular basis, I start to feel a few sparks of nausea. Yuck. I won't lie...I am really hoping for a little boy to complete our family. But, another girl would be easy and fine too. Names are already decided, well most likely. Girl would be Caroline Anne or Abigail ? or Anna ?  or Amelia ? and boy would be, of course, Jackson Timothy. Last night Claire was pointing to Auntie Megan's tummy and poking it saying "baby", Megan called me in the room and we thought it was funny...I just said, "I have no idea where she got that...silly girl!!" :)

Saturday, November 3rd, 8w2d, I feel like everyday I look more and more pregnant. I swear I am waking up with more of a belly each day and it is getting hard and harder to suck it in while wearing regular shirts around everyone. Err. It's not that I want to keep it a secret, I just want to know for sure, 100 percent, that this little baby is okay and everything is on track before we spill the beans. Plus, I would love to announce it in a cute way this time, since last time it was more along the line of, "holy crap, I'm pregnant!!" Yeah, not-so-the-way-I-pictured-it!

Today is Monday, November 5th, and I am sitting here feeling a little more nausea than I have felt thus far. Not so fun, but it is reassurance to me that everything may just be fine. Still haven''t seen the doctor. Just the smell of my coffee was almost enough to make me loose it, but somehow I can still drink it. Last night I told my sister. She was having a bad day, and so I went in her room and whispered that I had a secret to tell her, and said I was pregnant. It felt so good to tell someone else. She jumped up and said she knew it...and she pinned the exact day that we found out. Weird, huh? And my dad and I were talking last night while at my sister's place about vacation for next year. We all want to go sometime in July, and not in August like we did this past year. Back to Myrtle Beach again. Well, he and my mom want to go like the 2nd week in July and I was trying to convince him to make it the third or fourth week (which has my sister's bday and his bday in it) but he was saying my mom and him wanted to go earlier...so I am going to have to tell them soon because they are going to book the trip by next week he said and obviously if I am having a baby in the first part of July, I'd like to wait at least two weeks before going away for a week at the beach. However, it would be really nice to have all the extra help with a newborn for a whole week! Going to have to come up with something quick to be able to tell our families!

Today is Saturday, November 10th, 9w2d,time is flying. Geeze. I have had more nausea in the past two days than at all so far. Yuck. Yesterday I finally was able to schedule a doctors appointment for November 27th. They don't want to see me anytime in the next two weeks because of the spotting I had, I thought it would have been the opposite. Seems like forever away but at least the baby will be big enough to be seen by then. We are going to tell our families today or tomorrow. I'm a little scared to be honest. I shouldn't be, but I am. I hope they are happy, but really no one's happiness matters but my husband and I. Every child is a gift from God. Apparently it's not going to be announced anyway special and more along the lies of, "Guess what, we're having another baby!!" We shall see.

As far as symptoms go, still light headed, still taking naps because I am exhausted come 1pm, but then still CANNOT sleep at night. I feel as if my blood pressure rises and my heart rate goes up and it's like I'm shaking I'm so restless. It's a very strange feeling and not one I am fond of. I'm making sure that I eat because of the nausea, I can tell immediately when I am needing to eat because the nausea hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been eating handfuls of multi-grain cheerios to keep the nausea down which seems to work. Every commercial for food sends me into wanting whatever it is that I see. Still craving steak and cheese and anything anything Italian  Nothing new there. Craved that all throughout my pregnancies with the other girls. Oh and VERY, VERY thirsty ALL.OF.THE.TIME! I swear I am drinking my ice water with lemon or OJ all day long!!!

Today is Sunday, November 11th, and we finally told Megan and Tammy. Amen! Went pretty well if ya ask me! They were of course shocked but not as bad as when we told them I was pregnant with Emily. What can ya do, ya know? I'm feeling VERY nauseous. No fun. I was up all night just feeling like poop. Seems that even constantly eating isn't doing much to curve the nausea. I know it won't be long until I start puking. Not looking forward to it AT.ALL!!!!

So it was only a matter a few hours until I started getting sick. No fun. I was cursing in my mind while throwing up...worst part of pregnancy! 

Today is Tuesday, November 13th and I am feeling fine today and felt fine yesterday. Sunday was BAD!! As far as symptoms, I am having a really bad headache today that I can't seem to shake. Probably stress. My mom came over today and I finally told her. Didn't go so well. I expected it but it still hurt my heart a little, ya know? My dad was of course the same as he was when I told him I was pregnant with Emily. He was a little surprised but said, "I knew it!" He just said that five kids is a lot...like I don't know that! But he seemed happy at least. My mom took a little while to come around but eventually she has no choice but to accept it. Maybe I'll write a post later about my feelings on it, my mom never reads my blog but I don't know. No matter what, all of our families LOVE the girls SO much and we couldn't imagine any of them NOT in our family, so they will love this little blessing just as much as they love our other children...and that I am for sure.

Today is Thursday, November 15th, and I should be 10 weeks today! I am getting very impatient about not telling people now. I want to post it on the blog and I want to tell more people, but I just want to make sure everything is okay at the doctors first, but it's getting harder and harder. Err! I have been feeling pretty good the past few days, the nausea isn't nearly as bad as it was over the weekend. Kinda makes me feel a little strange because I know how sick I was last time and it feels strange not to keep feeling sick. Gives me a bad feeling.

Today is Tuesday, November 20th, 10w5d, and I am still feeling pretty good. Not much nausea which honestly is worrying me more and more. I just keep thinking about how sick I was with Emily and this time I'm nothing like that. How can that happen? Be literally dying one pregnancy and be fine the next one? Weird. I just have a bad feeling. I can't shake it. I wish the doctors understood what "a mothers instinct, please can I have a sonogram NOW!" meant! Err! Praying each day this baby is okay and that the Lord is just giving me a break this time around! :)

Today is Saturday, November 24th, 11w2d, and I am still feeling great. I would say that the early mornings when I first get up and the late afternoon/early evening are my worst times, but still it really isn't bad at all. Just a few bouts of nausea and that is it. I am so waiting each day for it to just hit me in the face and never leave the bathroom but I am so happy it hasn't so far. I cooked my turkey overnight last night and carving the whole thing this morning was making me a little nauseous but after eating some cereal with the girls, I was fine. With Emily, I started feeling better at 14 weeks so it just feels so weird not to be puking all day, every day...but I am so THANKFUL! Hoping that means there's a little boy in there!!! My mom is acting crazy and telling people she thinks I am having twins this time. I almost fainted when she said that. Hunting season is in full force now and Tim is going to be gone for a whole week up at our family's cabin with my dad and some other guys, so I will be here with the girls all by myself all week. I am not looking forward to it. It's hard to do everything, every day all by yourself, day after day. One or two days is manageable, but a whole week is not so easy. I am going to be exhausted by next Saturday and when he comes home I am demanding lots of foot rubs and quiet sleep for this Momma! :) And it's only 3 more days until I have a sonogram! Yay, I can't wait to see this little bean on the screen!!

Today is Tuesday, November 27th, 11w5d and I am finally having a sonogram today! I can barely contain my excitement to see this little bean on the screen. Ahh! Yesterday I was feeling a little more nausea but it might have been because I drank coffee and I hadn't done that in a few weeks. Not doing that anymore. I'll stick to my ginger ale. I have one hour to go, the girls are napping, I've shoved down my lunch and I am eagerly awaiting time to go! Ekkk!!!

Okay, so I just got back from my sonogram!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ekk! It went perfectly and I knew the nurse didn't believe me that I was almost 12 weeks and the first measurement she did came up 11w5d. Duh. I knew it. She says, "I guess you could probably do your own sonogram." Yup, I bet I could! Everything measured great, (all at 11w5/6d) and looked awesome. She also said, "this one looks like a wild one!" because he/she was moving all around so much! Hoping it's a BOY!!!!!!! I didn't see 3 little lines between the legs yet, so we shall see!

I wish Tim could have been there. He is almost always with me for sonograms so it felt weird not to have him there. But...he is filling our freezers with deer, so it's okay!

I feel so relieved to know everything looks normal as of right now, and I am so happy to know I am exactly how far along I thought I was and that I am not puking my guts out like I was at this time when I was pregnant with Emily! Yippie! I feel like I want to shout it from the roof tops now!!! Every baby is such a blessing and a miracle!!!! It doesn't matter whether it is your first baby or your tenth, it's still so amazing so watch that little baby dancing around on the screen. I could never get enough of it! :) Happy Momma here!

My next appointment isn't until December 24th at 8am! Yes, Christmas Eve! :)

So today is Thursday, November 28th, 12 weeks! I am feeling just a little nausea from time to time. Sweating and very, very thirsty all of the time. Tired. I keep drinking my ice cold water and ginger ale. Gagging only when I brush my teeth. Other than that, feeling great!

I am now completely and totally convinced this baby is a BOY! Everything has been SO different the last 12 weeks than with both my other pregnancies! And let me tell you, I am NOT complaining one bit! I'm not even thinking or talking about girl names anymore because I am THAT convinced that there's a little baby boy in my belly! I hope I am right! I'm going to put up one of those guessing games for gender on the side of the blog again, so make your guess before we know!! :)

I don't think I am going to do the weekly posts each week. Honestly I think they get a bit boring, so maybe I will just do it once a month. It not only fits better in my time but it's less boring for me and for you as a reader. :)