Anna Kate's Birth Story - Part 3!

Part 1

Part 2

Finally late Wednesday night, we were able to go down to the NICU and see her, hold her and talk to her nurse. Sitting there talking with her nurse, someone I didn't know from before, I was so emotional. Why me again? Why my baby again? I started getting scared and feeling like I just didn't deserve this again. My little baby struggling in the first few hours of life and she is considered a full-term baby! I blew it off when my OB said she might end up in the NICU. How could I have been so naive? Not like me at all and yet here I am at 11pm looking at another one of my innocent children struggling with life and yet I can't be there at every second to cuddle and love on her. It just wasn't fair. I didn't understand.

But I've always tried to look at it as a blessing. A blessing that we have technology and medical advances that are wonderful. I was surrounded by amazing and knowledgeable doctors and nurses who came to lend a hand, offer a hug, just say hello and how beautiful our little Anna-Kate is. Nurses and doctors who remembered us. Remembered our girls. Those smiling faces and sweet hellos are what made my heart smile. I knew my little girls were in great hands before and I know once again that Anna-Kate couldn't be in better care. I relished in that peace. It's all I could do. God would handle the rest.

We learned a lot more about why she was in the NICU in the first place and what needed to be done for her to be able to leave. I'll try to make this as short as possible. The nurse said that they expected the fluid in her lungs to absorb, hopefully. She had been on the c-pap without oxygen and then they tried her without it. She didn't even last an hour off of the machine before having to be put back on it with oxygen. She looked so uncomfortable and I hated watching her struggle to breath. No mother wants to see their child struggle to do anything, especially breath. Heartbreaking. She had an IV for fluids and to keep her blood sugar up. She had a feeding tube put in too, which I hated to see.

Finally holding her, fighting back the tears.

They said they would try to take her off of the c-pap sometime over night. So we said our good-nights and headed back to our room, baby-less. It sucked. There's no other way to say it. It's not right to deliver your baby and go back to an empty room. 

I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I heard the babies around me in other rooms and wondered if my little girl was crying for her Momma too? The itching was horrible. The pain was pretty bad. My IV hurt, my catheter hurt, the sweating, the itching....oh the itching! I did not sleep one minute. Just kept starring at the clock and waiting for 6am when I knew the nurse said she would be back in to take out my catheter and take off the clotting pressure things on my legs. And I was starving and wanted to see my baby!!!!

By the way, it was our 4th Anniversary, May 23rd. I've spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Years Day, Valentine's Day (all with the girls in the NICU) and now one of our Anniversaries (AK) in the hospital.

Finally after I ate and got some morphine, instead of what I was on for pain (because I didn't know what the heck was causing so much itching...if it was the antibiotics, the narcotics, the spinal, or a combo of it all) we ventured down to the NICU, after shift change and before rounds.

I was so happy to see Anna-Kate not on c-pap and breathing on her own! She looked so different and her face was so bright and healthy looking. She really looked so much better than the night before. They also took out her feeding tube and so she was able to nurse very well. My heart was mending seeing my little girl doing so much better. 

During rounds Dr. S and all the nurses were impressed to see how well she was doing. Dr. S said they would back down on her IV and hopefully she would be back with us by this afternoon/evening. That made my heart very happy. She also had another one of our nurses that we had from before, which was nice. 

We went back to our room for lunch and my best friend came back down to stay with me while Tim went home for a little bit to help with the girls. I also had some other wonderful visitors that kept my spirits up and brought some sweet gifts for Anna! When Tim got back, we were just about to get ready and go down to the NICU when the NICU nurse knocked at our door and had Anna with her. I couldn't stop smiling! My baby girl was back with her Momma and Daddy!

A few minutes later my mom arrived and finally got to hold her. I was able to take a shower and that helped my itching so much. It felt so good to get clean.

Our good friends, Nathan and Emily came to see us and brought me the best chocolate cake I have ever had! Oh my it was so darn good!

Happy Daddy!

Anna had a great night that first night with us. Of course I just couldn't stop holding her and starring at her. She was so sweet. I wanted to see all of her and take her all in.

Part 4: Go-Home Day and Meeting my Big Sisters...coming!