Guest Post 2

I want you to welcome Leanne from RefrigeratorMemories and she is writing about a topic that is near and dear to my heart and many of my real life friends and blogging friends...infertility!

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Hi, I'm Leanne and though I have two beautiful children and it may not look like it, I struggle with infertility. 

I always had irregular cycles, so when my husband and I wanted to get pregnant for the first time, we knew I wasn't ovulating. We went to a fertility specialist and he prescribed Chlomid. I ended up getting pregnant that next cycle and we were so happy that it was such an easy fix. I had an easy pregnancy and a fairly easy labor.

Fast forward about a year and we started talking about trying for baby #2. I still didn't have regular cycles, so we went in for a round of Chlomid. I thought it would be wise to take a pregnancy test before taking any medications. Lo and behold, I was already pregnant! And yet again, I had another easy pregnancy and labor.

When our second was only nine months old, we decided that we would not mind having another child. We weren't trying very hard to get pregnant because we thought we had time and that it would happen easily like the last time. But time was not on our side. Gabe ended up having to go to Iraq. (He was in the Army at the time) We desperately tried to get pregnant but there just wasn't enough time. He left when our second was thirteen months old.

We thought we might have a chance on his R&R that following summer. I even went on birth control to try and regulate my periods so we could time it just right. But three weeks is such a short window and it didn't happen. We were crushed. We only wanted our children to be around two years apart and we would now be pushing three years.

In November of 2010, Gabe's year in Iraq was coming to an end. We made the extremely difficult decision to extend for six months for a large bonus. I was still optimistic that I would get pregnant as soon as he got back. He came home just before Memorial Day of 2011. Gabe had asked me to see a fertility specialist before he came home just to make sure everything looked good. But like I said, I was sure it would happen right away.

Month after month, it didn't happen but still I had faith. Finally, after seven months of trying and believing that this month would be THE month, I admitted defeat. I called the Dr and made an appointment. We went in and they ran some tests and I was prescribed Chlomid. Round one didn't work. We tried again...nothing. In April of 2012, I had gone to them for a blood pregnancy test on a Friday. That afternoon, I got the result. Slightly positive. But we were not to get over excited. Well, we did. That whole weekend, all I could think about was being pregnant (even more than I already thought about it). Monday, I went back in for another test.Negative. We were heartbroken. But we had to get back on the horse and try again.

By May, we were fed up with the negative results. We wanted answers. At our next appt, we discussed our options with the Dr. She suggested a surgery called a Laparoscopy. Basically, I would have three small incisions in my stomach and they go in and try to find a problem (Endometriosis, cysts, anything abnormal) . If it's fixable, they would fix it then and there. We were praying that this would be the answer. We had a family vacation planned for the following month, so the surgery was set up for after that.

We decided to try one last round of Chlomid before the surgery but had no expectations of it working. We had a great two week vacation and when we got back, I had a few pre surgery appointments to go to. Friday July 20th, one week before the surgery, I went in and they did some blood work, and ran other tests to make sure I could handle the surgery and anesthesia. I asked them if they were doing a pregnancy test because there was a chance I could be pregnant. (We still tried that month so there was a small chance.) They were but it was only a urine test. I let them know that it would be too early to show up on a urine test and they would need to do a blood test. They let me know that unless my Dr ordered a blood test, they couldn't do one.

Well, I wasn't having that. I drove right over to my Dr's and demanded, umm, asked politely for a blood test. The nurse and I counted days and we came up with the best day to get a blood test. I would go in the following Tuesday, three days before the surgery. When Tuesday came around, I went in and prayed for the best because I REALLY did not want to have the surgery. We waited and waited and finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I called them on Wednesday.

Praise God, it came up POSITIVE!!!! 

If we had gone through with the surgery and not have done a blood pregnancy test, this tiny being inside of me would not have survived. It truly is a miracle. We are still in shock and not sure whether to believe it or not. I've gone back for another blood test (still positive), and will be going again to make sure the numbers are continuing to go up. But we could not be happier that after almost three years, we finally got our wish!

Head on over to her blog and wish her some baby luck! Thanks so much Leanne for guest posting for me!!

All Beacause 2 People Fell in Love...

All because 2 people fell in love...

 Less than 10% chance of having children "on our own".

12 long months of unsuccessful attempts at pregnancy.

62% chance of successful IVF.

2% chance of triplets.

1 out of 535 births are triplets, quads or more.

1 out of 250 births are identical twins.

3 daughters, 1 set of identical twins and a fraternal, at 24 years old.

Born at 32 weeks and 2 days.

2 days before Christmas.

7 weeks and 5 days premature.

49 long days in the NICU.

Less than 10% chance of ever having more children "on our own".

1% chance of getting pregnant on birth control while taken as directed.

4 months between pregnancies.

4 children; 4 girls at 26 years old.

13-14 months apart.

=

1 happy and blessed beyond words family!

Friday Ramblings!

These photos of Madelynn almost crawling were supposed to go up on Wednesday, but for some reason, they didn't. Even since Wednesday, she has improved her skills! I cannot believe how fast I will need to baby proof things that aren't and just maybe put up the "big pen".

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One of our cats got outside yesterday and it was a big problem! Tim accidentally left the back door to the deck unlocked and the darn cat can open the door by himself. He kept coming to the door and meowing (like once an hour), but every time I went to grab him, he would run away back under the deck. His brothers (Charlie and Tobie) sat by the door for hours waiting for him to come home. It was so sweet. Finally, around 11:30pm last night, I finally was able to grab him!

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We're going to the pool today for the first time! I am beyond excited, so stay tuned for LOTS of photos over the weekend!

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Here is the link to our story on Joy for Generations by Dr. Stillman:

SGFC Office: Rockville, MD
Job Title: Medical Director
Years of Service: 15

How do I encapsulate, in just a few paragraphs my 18 years in academic medicine practicing and teaching infertility and then my 15 wonderful years at Shady Grove Fertility as its Medical Director? How do I attempt to give an idea of immense pride and privilege it has been to help so many couples achieve their dreams of parenthood?
One story comes to mind:

So I inquired of the 23 year old woman of the couple sitting in front of me at their New Patient Visit how it was that she was referred to see me? She said, simply "My Mom referred me". I said, well, that was very nice, but how did her Mom know me? "Well", she said with a little smile, "you treated her - and I was born as a result".
Well, that was a shocking I-really-know-I'm-getting-old moment, as well as a great first opportunity to treat across the generations.

The infertility diagnosis for Mom and daughter were different, but fortunately the outcome was the same: my then new patient has subsequently delivered - in fact she delivered her wonderful triplets following a little TOO successful treatment! She and the triplets are doing beautifully. I hear that Dad's is the one who is a bit tired.
And of all the many pictures that I cherish of the families I've been privileged to work with, the picture of Grandma with her daughter and with her three grandchildren together will certainly be one that fills me with wonderment, pride, and joy.
Yes, Shady Grove Fertility "Delivering Joy For Generations", indeed.

I still have to write mine, but when I read his, I got tears in my eyes! I am so blessed!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Madelynn and Claire are teething like crazy, especially Claire. Her bottom tooth is really coming in, it's almost completely poking through! She is drooling everywhere and both of them have slight runny roses.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------AND, how cute are baby toes that are painted!? I can't get over how darn cute my little girl's piggy toes are!

Happy Friday!!!!!

Details of Our Surprise Bean #4

First of all, thank you all so much for the wonderful and supportive comments, emails and FB comments/posts. I was trying to keep it off of FB, but it this world, these days, that's pretty much impossible. Oh well, no worries. But really, I cannot tell you enough how much it means to me that people understand and are supportive. I was so scared to tell everyone for fear of judgement, but I needed to, and I am so glad I did! Thanks again!!!!

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Since I've once again, picked myself up off the floor and accepted that I am having another baby, I thought I give ya'll the details! The symptoms and my emotions are here in full force.

As I said, the symptoms started (like nausea, not being able to eat big meals without gagging, formula smelled awful and made me running to the sink, super thirsty, headaches, tired) and Tim begged me to take a pregnancy test on Tuesday, June 21st at night to rule-out that I was pregnant. I laughed at him and said, "fine, because I'm NOT pregnant. That's insane that you even would think that! I'm on birth control and we couldn't even get pregnant when we did everything possible on our own and with help to get pregnant, what makes you think boom, one time on birth control I'm pregnant, but what-ever, I'll take the darn test!"

Within two simple seconds, everything changed. I sat there in a daze starring at the two lines on the test. The pregnancy line showed up before the control line. Shoot. What the heck. No way. I screamed at Tim and said. "oh my goodness, it's positive!" I was in complete disbelief. SO many thoughts came rushing over me. I seriously felt faint. I held on to the top the towel rack in the bathroom and just said, "no, no, no. oh my gosh, TIIIIIMMMMM!"  Tim sat on the edge of the bed and kept saying, "come here honey, give me a hug. It's ok." I'll never forget how supportive and accepting he was from the first second, unlike me. I couldn't and wouldn't accept it. I laid down on the bed and needless to say I got no sleep all night. I had so many thoughts, so many emotions. Finally when I could go to the bathroom again, I took another test and within two seconds again the test was positive. The line was super dark in just two seconds. I woke Tim up and said, "I guess it's really true!" But it still didn't change my feelings on the entire situation. We were leaving for Penn the next day and how was I suppose to keep this secret? I knew I couldn't and wouldn't be able to.

I just keep asking myself why and how (I mean, I know how, but really how do you do everything possible from a freakin fertility rock (by the way, I'm removing that rock from this house!!!!! Apparently it works too well...so anyone who wants it, it's yours!) to IVF to get pregnant with no hope and the only chance of conceiving is IVF and then one time while I'm on birth control and boom I'm pregnant???). Why now? Not now. Please, not now.

Don't get me wrong, of course I know and feel that this is a blessing and this child is already loved to the fullest, but it has taken me time to accept it. I never in my life thought that I would ever feel like this. I always said that if we were ever blessed to have other children, it would be nothing less than a blessing and a miracle. And this baby is just that, a blessing and a complete miracle.

I guess the biggest problem I have is that I have almost seven month old triplets who take up so much of my time. They are my life and I love that they are my life. My life revolves around them. My heart is bursting with love for them and I can't imagine splitting my heart and time even more that it already is. I can't imagine being pregnant and doing all that I do to care for them and our household. I can't imagine going through another horrible pregnancy again and another horrible delivery. I almost lost my uterus last time, what will happen this time? What if they can't stop the bleeding this time? What if something happens to me? Will I even get to take my baby home from the hospital this time with me? I can't take another NICU stay. I can't go through that again. I can't and I won't leave my baby again.

I can't imagine having 13/14 month old triplets and a newborn to care for (I'm pretty sure I conceived in April, no later than April 25th - So at the most I'm 13/14 weeks, at the least I'm 11 weeks- Appt is Aug 4th!). How do I care for everyone? I can't explain to them that mommy has another baby. My heart hurts because of that.  I don't expect many to understand my thoughts and feelings because not many people have triplets! Not many people know what I go through day in and day out to raise our family.

I'm scared of what's to come. I feel guilty for being a bad mom and not having enough time as it is. I don't have time to go to the doctor. I don't have time to have the rest I need. I don't have the strenght right now to deal with these emotions. I'm just lost. I feel guilty for even saying that, but I am being honest here. I can't hide how I feel, only what I choose to do with what I feel.

I'm still suffering from some PTSD from my birth experience, NICU experience and deep emotions with almost loosing my daughter many times. No mother should ever have to go through what I did. No mother should ever have to leave their flesh and blood for weeks at end, especially when their child is suffering so badly and might not survive.  I was in such a dark place for a long time. It was not a good time in my life. I worry that I won't get to bring another baby home with me from the hospital, that something will go wrong.

Yes, I know that I could have an easy pregnancy, an easy delivery, and get to bring my baby home from the hospital, but I can't help at be scared at the unknown.

All of these things went through my head for the whole night (and the last few weeks too). I called a few of my closest friends and told them because of course I had to tell someone and get some advice before I took myself to a bridge and jumped off! JK!

The next day, we told my mom and my sister. My dad was out of town so I had to call him and tell him over the phone. My mom almost died. My dad was totally supportive. We waited until we got to PA to tell my MIL and she almost died too. She kept asking if we were joking. Afraid not. And then we called my SIL and she kept asking us the same thing but when she realized we weren't joking she was super supportive too. All of the PA family heard the news when we were there and even though the words kept coming out of my mouth, I wasn't believing it myself. The following weekend at the cabin, we told my family and they were shocked also. Everyone has been so supportive though.

I was feeling great until last weekend when the nausea and vomiting really started up. Everyday I have been sick, and so the zofran, once again has been a lifesaver. Changing stinky diapers in the morning is the WORST and normally sends me running to the sink, leaving a child in the crib with no diaper on...LOVELY right?! I just shake my head in disbelief.

But it's been a few weeks and reality has set in. I have started to accept this blessing and know that this is God's plan for our family no matter what I may think. Plus, the nausea will not let me forget that there is in fact a little new bean growing in my belly, and I am giddy at just that. I can't believe my three little babies are going to be BIG sisters! This is just plain ole crazy!

Womb Transplant?

I don't know all the details behind this story of a woman transplanting her womb to her daughter so that she may possibly be able to concieve a child(ren), but I can't help to smile at yet another possible future option for couples suffering from infertility. I am a big supporter of infertility research and advances and I only hope that the future holds bright for anyone dealing with the struggles of infertility.

What do you think about this story?

One Year Ago...

Time flies.

One year ago today

April 11, 2010

IVF Cycle Day 1.

Pheeeewwww.

Suddenly
I am hearing that song... "a whole new world..."!

Unbelievable.

I started reading back at some of the posts that I had written last April and May. I can feel the pain I was going through each and every day, not knowing what the future would hold and if I ever was going to be able to give my husband a child. I wanted it to happen so bad, but God did it the way He wanted and I am so glad He did.

This past weekend, Tim and I caught up on a show we love, Gulianna and Bill. I love them. They went through IVF and became pregnant with twins but then lost the pregnancy and then did a second round with no success. I cried and cried through the whole show. I couldn't help but think how blessed we were to be sitting there on a Saturday night snuggled on the couch with our three little peanuts. We are so lucky and I cannot thank God enough.

Some days I wonder how I deserved such a wonderful life. I find it hard to believe God had such a wonderful plan for me. I know I should never doubt His plan but during times of hardship, it's easy to do.

I don't miss those days of wondering when or if, but I wouldn't take them back for anything.

All those shots, prayers, tears and doctors appointments made me a mother.

What I always dreamed of.

I thank God every day for the blessings He has given me.

I can't believe it's been a whole year. Last year, I had no idea what would happen. I had no idea what IVF was like. I had no idea what carrying multiples would be like. I had no idea of would become the proud mother of beautiful and healthy triplet girls. 

Today, Tim and I took the girls for a walk, as most days now.

It's 86 degree here and beautiful.

However, the humidity this morning at 4:45am was 93%!

I hate summers in Maryland, but I love having four full different seasons.

The price to pay.

The girls got to wear a super cute outfit that our wonderful friends, Kristin, Jeff and their beautiful 3 girls got us. I didn't think the girls would be able to wear them but they fit in them perfectly and I think we'll be able to get a month or so out of them.

Here's just a few of the couple hundred photos we took tonight. The girls are just so darn cute, I just snap away and then look down and I've taken over two hundred! Ha!

Claire is on left, Natalee in middle and Madelynn on right!

 Claire

 Natalee

ALL SMILES!!!!!!!!

 Madelynn

 Claire is farthest, Natalee in middle, and Madelynn closest.

I caught Claire grabbing Madelynn's shirt..she's been grabbing onto things lately...so it looks like since she is grabbing Madelynn's shirt, Madelynn's thinking, ok I'll get your hair Claire! I love their expressions!

 Save me Mom!

Piggy Toes!!!!

 Natalee

Natalee

Ok, picture overlaod...but I love these little beauties!

LIFE IS GOOD!

Reality

On Saturday Tim was working all day and on Friday night I was laying in bed, so looking forward to a rainy day indoors with my pooch and kitties; but when I woke up on Saturday morning, it was sunny and I couldn't think of anything worse then staying home all day, alone. Hmm...what to do? One thought crossed my mind, and within minutes I was out the door with my sunglasses on and coffee in hand...

YARD SALES

If you don't know me, I LOVE YARD SALES. I remember when Tim and I started dating and he had nothing in his condo and with a woman now living there, we needed stuff and since we were on limited budgets, yard sales were a really fun way to get up on Saturday morning and get going. I would browse Craigslist for any that would stand out, we would make a plan on where we wanted to go and get-up and go! We had so much fun and those days and memories we shared, just doing something so simple, I will cherish.

And so...I started in Poolesville. One of the developments in town were having a "Community Yard Sale" and so I drove around and finally stopped at one. What caught my eye, you may ask...of course, baby stuff. I walked over to the woman and said hello, as I bent down to look at this super cute and brand new Winnie-the-Pooh vibrator seat/musical playing thing...for 5 BUCKS...the lady asked.."Oh how old is your baby"?

Silence.

What to say?

This wasn't my first time buying baby stuff, without a baby. Just take a look at my guest bedroom...

But I was caught off guard.

I kinda laughed and just said, "There isn't one...yet. My husband I are trying but I just love Winnie-the-Pooh, so I don't think I can let this pass me up"!

I bought that and two cute and also brand new outfits for .50 cents. Man, I LOVE a good deal!

I then got in the car and couldn't help thinking about what had just happened. I remembered my last RESOLVE support group meeting last week when we talked a lot about how "no one wants to talk about infertility". Almost all of the women in the group, do not share with others their infertility struggles and this is very different than me. I do not hide the fact that I will not be able to have a baby on my/our own. I do not hide the fact that we are doing IVF.

I can't.

I need to talk about it. I want to talk about. I want to share with others. We want to share with others.

WE DO NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

People may say...it's not God's will, it's controversial, it's a lot of money, it's a lot of stress, it's not how it's supposed to be...

Well, let me tell you one thing...

This is God's will. We trust in Him that He is leading us in the right direction. 

 What we care about is having a baby and giving to our child what we give to each other.

So...later that day, I wound up at another yard sale/baby bazaar and when I started browsing, the two women having the yard sale, said, again,

"How old is your baby"?

I thought, I guess I didn't get the memo that you can't touch baby stuff if you aren't pregnant or currently posses a baby...

UGH.

I smiled and said, "Oh my husband I are going through IVF, and hoping this is the month, so ya never know I guess, but I'm sure going to be prepared".

One of the lady's smiled and said, "If it wasn't for IVF, my daughter wouldn't be here. Keep your head up, it will happen".

I was again, speechless, but this time in a good way. 

This is the reason why I don't hide my story. If others want to, that is fine. But for me, I need to talk about it.

I love to hear other success stories. I need to hear them.

When I went home, I relished in the cute little things that I bought (and of course the GREAT deals). I put the stuff in the closet and layed on the guest bed; my old bed, and stared, and I stared...at all the stuff I have been collecting...at all the dreams I have for our child.

Useful Advice...

On Monday I met with my Infertility Support Group/RESOLVE and one of the women shared this poem that she had been emailed for that particular day...how convenient! It is just a reminder to those who struggle with infertility how some comments (when people don't think) might upset us, but in the end, just walk away and laugh! People just don't get it sometimes!!!

The Writer's Almanac for April 19, 2010

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Useful Advice by Catherine Tufariello

 

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up.
Some things aren't meant to be.
It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill--
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard.
Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece--
My sister swears by doing quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It's true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol-
They have these ceremonies in Peru--
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It's in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun.
You think too much.
Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong?
Why are you crying?

"Useful Advice" by Catherine Tufariello, from Keeping My Name. (c) Texas
Tech University Press, 2004. Reprinted with permission.

My life while trying to conceive!

Infertility may be the most difficult time of not only a womans's life but her partner's also, in every way, spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally. Here are just a few things Tim and I cam up with last night when I was on a rampage of a pissed off nature!

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...

That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.

That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.

That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your husband at O time.

That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.

That when you see a 15 yer old in the mall with her infant, you want to secretly take her out and steal her baby because you know that you could do a much better job raising that baby then she could ever do! And how could God give her a baby and not me???

That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.

That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.

That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm!!!!

That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month!

That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant and you HATE when people tell you this!

That you have no control over some of the goals you set...no matter how hard you pray!

That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!

That one day my husband would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside (thanks HSGs).

That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.

That miscarriage is so common and way more common than people think.

That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy, bringing out a person that I don't like to be.

That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills for WAY too long!!

That I would EVER be willing to stick a little yellow pill up my hoo-haa (progesterone pill...done vaginally), or that I'd EVER be willing to stab myself in the stomach or @ss every day in the hopes that it will help get me PG.

That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.

That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.

That my husband is the most wonderful and caring man and way more patient then me!

That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!

That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!

That I would be happy to see abundant cervial fluid and tell my husband about it.

That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

That medicine and procedures are not a sure way to get pregnant but it is a sure way to lose money fast.

That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my house in Aruba by now.

That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid!!!!!!!

That having flo show up makes you cry, no matter where you are.

That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.

Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.

That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.

That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to ttc.

That infertility is more common than you think.

That one day all of this will make us stronger.

That there is sometimes darkness (infertility) before the light (a baby).

That no one I know (besides God) would have any understanding as to how I feel.

That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.

That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

That I would make so many new, wonderful friends who totally get how I feel because we all suffer from the same affliction of infertility.

That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pgcys, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pgcys.

That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.

That I'd be glad to know that I have endometriosis - because at least I know what's wrong with me.

That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).

That I would have to rely on doctors to give me the final say-so on what I can or can't do (on a med/procedure break forced by my RE against my wishes).

That foreplay would consist of my husband asking "How's your cervix today" or asking my Nurse if it's "the week yet".

That one person/couple could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems.

That I should have become a gyno-which I think at this point I know more then some.

That some people just say the wrong things.

That a simple blood test costs $648! And they make you get 3-5 a cylce!!!

That sex would ever become a chore!

That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."

That my husband would be overly concerned that our BD positions were the most effective ones!

That when my husband and I are babysitting our friend's children, all we think about is when this will be our life for real!

That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have.

That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!

That I would be so sad, and ashamed.

That I would be sick of explaining what endometriosis was to those who have no clue!

That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.

That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.

That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.

That I would be going to a psychic to find out if there was a baby in my future!

That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.

That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.

That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?"

That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.

That it puts this much strain on a marriage.

That I would cringe at getting free packs of diapers, coupons and cans of formula in the mail...asking God, why this again? Really?!

That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period.

That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.

That I would yell at commercials on the TV (that "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.")

That your body has its own mind.

That you would cry your eyeballs out b/c AF showed.

That you would be jealous when everyone around you get pg including your mentally-ill 17 year old client who can't even put clothes on a doll!

That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to a lot of pain.

That you feel useless as a female.

That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right about of the required "hormones" or doing what it should now how to do.

That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".

That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.

That not being able to get work done all day because your reading "early pregancy symptoms" after you just O'd last night...on the same websites that you scan every month hoping you might feel something you didn't before.

That you think about a baby more times than your husband thinks about sex.