Madelynn's Appointment

Yesterday was Madelynn's appointment at Children's Hospital Imagining Center.


It was hard.


Really, really, really hard.


Pure hell.


The torture and pain they put my sweet girl through should be outlawed. Not fair at all.


I would vote next time to demand she be put to sleep before anything like this ever again.


I gave her tylenol when we got there to hopefully help a little. They asked if she had a full bladder. Umm...she's 14 months, how would you like me to figure that out?


The ultrasound went fairly good. She was loving the bubbles I brought to keep her occupied. She wanted nothing to do with any of the toys and snacks I brought, but only what the nurse gave her. Right when it was over was when she was loosing interest real quick! She was totally hammin' it up just being in her diaper though!


Next room, was bright and cheerful. Totally what you would expect at a Children's Hospital. However the large machines, table with large velcro straps and all the equipment that would be used, made me cringe. I just kept starring at the table. The velcro. My baby was going to be tied down. Somehow Madelynn was transformed to my big girl by just putting on a real hospital gown. Boy, did she look like a kid! I couldn't believe it. But she is still my baby. And strapping her down so she couldn't move an inch, was not nice. Not nice at all. Her head was in a device, with a strap over her chest, lower-mid-section and two around her legs. Everything was explained slowly, but that didn't make the pain any easier for me or her. The nurses put the catheter in while I tried to keep Madelynn's arms up and legs back. Pure hell. My mom held the portable DVD player with Elmo singing so that Madelynn could somewhat be distracted. Yeah right. Who are they kidding! She threw her binki, she threw her lovie. Her eyes were full of tears, tear after tear rolled down her head, she screamed. Foamed at the mouth. I cried too. It was heart-breaking. I had to wear one of those xray suits and boy was it heavy and hot. I felt like I was pregnant again. I hated every minute of the procedure just as much as she did. They filled and filled Madelynn's bladder with the contrast and I could see how large and uncomfortable it was getting and her screaming escalated. She needed to urinate before they could take the catheter out. It seemed like every minute was an hour. Her little eyes begging me for help. Her little toes all pointed and stressed. No wonder why she couldn't pee. I gave myself five minutes and if she wasn't going to pee, I was stopping the test. It was just too much. Finally the doctor asked for the tech to sprinkle some warm water on her to hopefully help her to pee. Finally it worked. It literally took her five minutes to empty all that was in her. 


I couldn't get those straps off quick enough and pick up my sweet baby. Urine and all. It didn't matter. And after she calmed down, had a snack and some juice, she was completely fine! She was such a trooper. My girls prove more and more to me just how strong they are.


She slept like a rock the whole way home. Even when Grandma gave he a new toy she had bought her while she ran into the grocery store, she just wanted her binki and lovie and to sleep. She was so precious.


Me, on the other hand, well, I needed a few glasses of wine to calm me down once I got home. All Madelynn wanted to do was go to bed and after her bath, she wasn't in her bed five minutes with her bottle before she was out cold. Hard, rough day.


The good news though...everything was one hundred percent completely normal. Praise Jesus!


So, today, we are rejoicing in that wonderful news and loving this little lady's smile!

{ AND.....Don't forget to enter the Sentsy Giveaway that ends tonight at 9PM! }

Prayers Needed for my Babies Please!

The next few weeks we have some very important doctors appointments coming up. Unfortunately.


Back when Madelynn had a UTI in September of 2011, we were suppose to go to Children's Hospital to make sure she didn't have reflux of the ureter (click link about for the info on it), but after a phone consultation with the urologist, he decided not to see her unless she got another one. I felt okay with this because we had just been at the beach where she was in a wet diaper, in pool water for the first time (which can have lots of germs) and she is a girl, which girls are more prone to having UTI's, even as infants.


Well, at our last visit with our pediatrician, she asked if we could consider Madelynn getting screened because she had looked back at her ER visit and really felt that she wanted Madelynn checked out. Of course I followed my doctors suggestions. But, my poor baby girl. By the way, she has had no other issues with UTI's or low-grade fevers, which can be a sign too.


So I made an appointment with Children's Imaging Center and it's for Thursday afternoon. I have been seriously dreading this appointment and am having a lot of anxiety over it. It's so hard when you know you are taking you sweet, happy child for something that is going to cause her a lot of pain and discomfort. I seriously get a pit in my stomach every time I think about this. I rather live without my right arm for the rest of my life instead of have any of my babies experience the least bit of pain!


Basically she will have a abdominal/renal sonogram, followed by a Fluoroscopic voiding cystourethrogram (VCUG), where they put in a catheter and enter dye into the bladder and see how far it goes, if at all, to the kidneys. There are different stages of the reflux but we are hoping she has none. 


I asked my mom to go with me (Tim will be watching the other girls) and I rather him come to the actual follow-up appointment to meet with the doctor instead. I know Madelynn will need her Momma and so I need mine too! I hope I don't get too emotional. I just hate causing pain to my baby and when she had the catheter done in the ER, I about passed out! There will also be a "patient-lets-make-this-the-best-and-easiest-we-possibly-can" person to help out with favorite videos, toys and snacks while the procedure is going on. I'll be loading up my bag with all her favorite things too!


I'm sure we won't get any answers at the imagining center before meeting with the doctor, but if so I will update everyone.


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Also, Natalee has had no issues for the past year regarding her complications with NEC and bowel surgery, but since she is still on the small side for her age, like 1% on the normal growth chart, our pediatrician would also like her to be seen by a GI doctor at Children's Hospital. Her appointment is in the middle of April. It wasn't a too urgent of an issue, so this was the first available without having to travel into DC. And if I can avoid that, I will.


Natalee will most likely have some labs done to rule out any issues like celiac's disease and other nutrient-robbing diseases. The part of her bowel that was removed was a very key area in nutrient absorbing, apparently, so we just want to make sure that everything is working properly.  She is doing great though on her Pedisure drinks and has gained more weight on them than ever before on just formula. She is completely proportionate and does not have that "sick" look that I have seen in other kids with celiacs. 


If anything shows in her blood work, we will go from there. I really do not think there will be anything but the reassurance in the blood work will be comforting, and at least not too painful!


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To be completely honest, I am really glad to have both my babies checked out. I would HATE for something to be wrong and have know I could have done something about it and didn't. I would never let myself live that down. But the anxiety is killing me. I wish it was me needing to have things done and not my sweet little babies. Just thinking about them being scared and not understanding what is going on tears me up to pieces. I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me nuts! How do you handle these types of situations? I think I have anxiety over stuff that hurts them so much more because of the NICU. I just never want to see them hooked up to things, go through things that hurt them or anything else remotely close. I seriously have issues, I know. I just don't know how to handle it because instantly I am brought back to my daughter's bedside as she lay there almost dying or leaving my girls each night as I let others care for them when it should have been ME (read this for how I got them to FINALLY sleep through the night after 11.5 months of dealing with these emotions)! I hate this. I hate that it eats at me. I need to let it go and just when I think it has, and I am healing, things like this come up and I feel the anxiety creep back in. It just eats at me that they would ever have to experience pain that I can't fix for them. I know it may sound stupid to some because they are going to scrap their knees and hit their heads, and have their hearts broken by boys but it's more than that. It's the bigger things, the things I can't control. I know it's all for their best interest, it still just hurts my heart to ever see them in pain, scared or no sure of whats going on.


 I thank you for all your prayers for my sweet girls and will update when we know anything.

Be Still My Heart

Last night I went in to check on the girls before I went to bed and I found Madelynn hugging her Pooh. I felt my heart literally skip a beat!

I had to run down to the kitchen and grab my camera and surprisingly with the bright flash and noise, no one woke up. I wouldn't have cared, I would have kicked myself for years if I didn't have this photo. It's my new favorite picture.

I kept starring at it all night last night. Pooh has a very special place in my heart that only few know. My little girl loves Pooh just like her Momma. What more could I ask for?

Madelynn, Claire and Natalee: You are 14 Months Old!

Phew! 14 Months! It's been so fun with you guys this month! You are constantly babbling and interacting with each other! I just love watching you play with one another and  it's so cute to watch your relationships with one another blossom! What a blessing it is to have each of you! We love you all so much!

{ This Month at 14 Months }

You all have started biting more and more, especially when you are really frustrated at one another. Claire you bit Natalee and left a huge mark on her arm for the first time today, 02.23.12.

You are all so funny and crack us up! I love your little personalities!

You are all so happy all of the time!

You all had your hearing tested (a preemie thing) on 02.21.12 and you all passed...even though I knew you could hear just fine!

We moved into a new wonderful home! You have all adjusted so well! No set-backs or anything. You love the new wide open space you have to walk and crawl everywhere!

You all became BIG SISTERS! You have adjusted to that pretty well too. Most days you all have tried to dig Emily's eyes out but so far we have saved her from your true wrath! Natalee, you did bite Emily's toe on 02.22, and she screamed. That wasn't very nice but I know you didn't do it to be mean, you are just expressing your frustration. 

{ Madelynn }

You are completely walking!

You have 7 teeth. 4 on top, 3 on the bottom.

Your hair is light brown.

Your eyes are blue.

You wear size 3 shoes.

You wear size 9, 12 and 18 month clothes, depending on the brand.

You wear size 4 Pampers Cruiser Diapers.

You love to eat your feet still!

Your favorite foods are applesauce, pancakes, scrambled eggs, waffles, graham crackers, cinnamon toast sticks, cinnamon toast, cheese, bologna, turkey, bread, peas, green beans, carrots, corn, ect. You love vegetables so much and you are a great eater. You shovel everything in your mouth, so now we only give you a little bit of something at a time. 

You still love your ba-ba (bottle).

You love to drink out of your sippy cups all day.

You sleep through the night from 7:30PM - 9:00AM.

You love to dance and listen to music. You rock back and forth on your feet as soon as you hear music of any kind. It's so cute.

You love to clap and wave.

You can do two signs...all done and more. You are a very fast leaner and pick up things super quick.

You are constantly laughing!

You love ripping your bibs off, no matter how many times we put it back on you.

Your favorite time is bath time. You love splashing so much. You splash with your hands and now you have learned how to lean back in the bath seat and kick your legs so hard and splash that way.

You are still the bully of the bunch. You think everything is yours and only yours!

You still growl. Everyone thinks it's so funny!

You wear shoes everyday and love them!

You can say Momma, Dadda, baby, me and baba (bottle). But you babble constantly!

You can climb the stairs all by yourself, and faster than your sisters.

You are very determined and do not like to be told no.

You love Elmo so much and light up when he comes on TV.

Your favorite toys are your blocks, princess car, books and really anything, because you think everything is yours anyway!

You sleep with your lovie, blue bear, soft tag book, binki, pink ellie and a blanket. You love to put your lovie over your face as soon as you lay down with your bottle.

You have started jumping in your crib and running back and forth from side to side!

{ Claire }

You have 7 teeth. 3 on top, 4 on the bottom, the opposite of Madelynn.

You wear size 3 shoes.

Your hair is light brown.

Your eyes are blue.

You wear size 9, 12 and 18 month clothes, depending on the brand.

You wear size 4 Pampers Cruiser Diapers.

Your favorite foods are yogurt, pancakes, scrambled eggs, waffles, graham crackers,  cinnamon toast, cinnamon toast sticks, cheese, bologna, turkey, bread, peas, green beans, carrots, corn, ect. You love vegetables so much and you are a great eater. You have a little issue still with textures but you have improved so much! You don't get any baby food at all.

You love your bottle!

You love to drink out of your sippy cup all day.

You love taking your bows off.

You sleep through the night from 7:30PM - 9:00AM.

You love to clap and wave!

You have an obbession with cabinet doors. Anything that can be opened and shut, you have to do it one hundred times, even when you pinch your fingers constantly.

You have a sweet soul. A little more laid back than your sisters.

You can climb the stairs all by yourself!

You love ripping your bibs off, no matter how many times we put it back on you, even the ones that go over your head, you can take them off too.

Your favorite time is bath time. You love splashing so much. You splash with your hands, and of course your tongue sticking out!!! Silly girl!

Daddy is your favorite person, even when you get hurt, you prefer Daddy to cuddle you.

You can say Momma, Dadda, and baba (bottle). But you babble constantly!

We still call you Lola, Lola Mae, Lola Claire, and Claire-bear.

You love Elmo so much and light up when he comes on TV.

You are taking about 3 steps at a time on your own. You can run around the furniture like a mad woman but you like to hold on. 

You can stand without holding on to anything for minutes at a time.

Your favorite toys are your blocks, princess car, books and the pretend cookie jar that makes noise.

You sleep with your lovie, beige cow, glow worm, binki, pink ellie and a blanket. You love to put your lovie over your face as soon as you lay down with your bottle.

{ Natalee }

You have 4 teeth. 2 on top, 2 on the bottom.

You wear size 3 shoes.

Your hair is dark brown and very straight.

You eyes are a very dark brown, like your Momma and Daddy's eyes. Everyone comments on your eyes, ever since you were born. You have a deep soul, sweet girl and your eyes haven't changed since the day you were born.

You wear size 9, 12 and 18 month clothes, depending on the brand.

You wear size 4 Pampers Cruiser Diapers.

You can stand for long periods of time without holding on!

Your favorite foods are yogurt, pancakes, waffles, graham crackers, cheese, bologna, turkey, bread, peas, green beans, carrots, corn, ect. You love vegetables so much and you are a great eater. You are such a great eater, but for some reason you are not a big fan of eggs. 

You love your sippy cup!

You have completely switched over to pedi-sure and never even noticed the difference! You love the vanilla and strawberry, but I haven't tried the chocolate yet. You have gained the most weight ever this month on the pedi-sure!

You sleep through the night from 7:30PM - 9:00AM.

You clap and wave!

You constantly sit on your knees.

You took your first steps alone last week and I bet you walk before Claire!

You love Mommy so much and have a very hard time separating from me, but as long as you don't see me, your fine!

You can climb the stairs all by yourself!

Your favorite time is bath time. You love splashing so much. You love to get on your knees in your bath seat and try to stand up constantly. You are so tiny in the seat so you can move so easily.

You refuse to sit in the tub, you only want to stand! You will not sit in your bath seat at all!

You have a very determined personality. You like to have what you want and when you want it!

You can say Dadda, but I have not heard you say Momma yet. But you babble constantly!

We still call you Na Na, peanut, string bean and puppy (because you sometimes still sound like a little puppy/piggy when you sequel).

You love to be chased, and will crawl away sooo fast!

You love Elmo so much and light up when he comes on TV.

Your favorite toys are your blocks, princess car, books and Daddy's cell phone.

You sleep with your lovie, pink bunny, glow worm (glowy), binki, pink ellie and a blanket. You are the only one who could care less about your lovie. You love your glowy, especially the ears. You rub the ears of glowy between your mouth and your nose all of the time.

{ Here are all of you playing this month...}