Reality

On Saturday Tim was working all day and on Friday night I was laying in bed, so looking forward to a rainy day indoors with my pooch and kitties; but when I woke up on Saturday morning, it was sunny and I couldn't think of anything worse then staying home all day, alone. Hmm...what to do? One thought crossed my mind, and within minutes I was out the door with my sunglasses on and coffee in hand...

YARD SALES

If you don't know me, I LOVE YARD SALES. I remember when Tim and I started dating and he had nothing in his condo and with a woman now living there, we needed stuff and since we were on limited budgets, yard sales were a really fun way to get up on Saturday morning and get going. I would browse Craigslist for any that would stand out, we would make a plan on where we wanted to go and get-up and go! We had so much fun and those days and memories we shared, just doing something so simple, I will cherish.

And so...I started in Poolesville. One of the developments in town were having a "Community Yard Sale" and so I drove around and finally stopped at one. What caught my eye, you may ask...of course, baby stuff. I walked over to the woman and said hello, as I bent down to look at this super cute and brand new Winnie-the-Pooh vibrator seat/musical playing thing...for 5 BUCKS...the lady asked.."Oh how old is your baby"?

Silence.

What to say?

This wasn't my first time buying baby stuff, without a baby. Just take a look at my guest bedroom...

But I was caught off guard.

I kinda laughed and just said, "There isn't one...yet. My husband I are trying but I just love Winnie-the-Pooh, so I don't think I can let this pass me up"!

I bought that and two cute and also brand new outfits for .50 cents. Man, I LOVE a good deal!

I then got in the car and couldn't help thinking about what had just happened. I remembered my last RESOLVE support group meeting last week when we talked a lot about how "no one wants to talk about infertility". Almost all of the women in the group, do not share with others their infertility struggles and this is very different than me. I do not hide the fact that I will not be able to have a baby on my/our own. I do not hide the fact that we are doing IVF.

I can't.

I need to talk about it. I want to talk about. I want to share with others. We want to share with others.

WE DO NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

People may say...it's not God's will, it's controversial, it's a lot of money, it's a lot of stress, it's not how it's supposed to be...

Well, let me tell you one thing...

This is God's will. We trust in Him that He is leading us in the right direction. 

 What we care about is having a baby and giving to our child what we give to each other.

So...later that day, I wound up at another yard sale/baby bazaar and when I started browsing, the two women having the yard sale, said, again,

"How old is your baby"?

I thought, I guess I didn't get the memo that you can't touch baby stuff if you aren't pregnant or currently posses a baby...

UGH.

I smiled and said, "Oh my husband I are going through IVF, and hoping this is the month, so ya never know I guess, but I'm sure going to be prepared".

One of the lady's smiled and said, "If it wasn't for IVF, my daughter wouldn't be here. Keep your head up, it will happen".

I was again, speechless, but this time in a good way. 

This is the reason why I don't hide my story. If others want to, that is fine. But for me, I need to talk about it.

I love to hear other success stories. I need to hear them.

When I went home, I relished in the cute little things that I bought (and of course the GREAT deals). I put the stuff in the closet and layed on the guest bed; my old bed, and stared, and I stared...at all the stuff I have been collecting...at all the dreams I have for our child.

Happy Birthday Timmy!!!

Today, I wish my wonderful husband a very

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY!!!!!

 Tim is the most wonderful, caring, sweet, responsible, fun, make me laugh at times when I don't want to, tell stupid jokes, my couch buddy, my shoulder to lean on, my pillow in bed, my go-to guy, Mr. Fix-It, the best daddy to our fur babies, and of course my very best friend!!!

I love you hunny and I wish you a very happy birthday!!!

Enjoy your crab cakes and coke-cola cake!

Useful Advice...

On Monday I met with my Infertility Support Group/RESOLVE and one of the women shared this poem that she had been emailed for that particular day...how convenient! It is just a reminder to those who struggle with infertility how some comments (when people don't think) might upset us, but in the end, just walk away and laugh! People just don't get it sometimes!!!

The Writer's Almanac for April 19, 2010

---

Useful Advice by Catherine Tufariello

 

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up.
Some things aren't meant to be.
It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill--
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard.
Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece--
My sister swears by doing quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It's true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol-
They have these ceremonies in Peru--
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It's in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun.
You think too much.
Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong?
Why are you crying?

"Useful Advice" by Catherine Tufariello, from Keeping My Name. (c) Texas
Tech University Press, 2004. Reprinted with permission.

GIVEAWAY!!!

I follow this blog and it has truly inspired me...I love reading about other women going through the same experiences with IVF as it totally make me feel not alone! This sweet girl has a giveaway on her blog this week and I absolutely love it!!! And by the way , I would love to win it!

Please take a look!

http://fortheloveofshoesandababy2.blogspot.com/2010/04/giveaway.html

I Was Here by Lady Antebellum

I love this new song...it touches me deep down. Looking towards graduation (in just one month, 2 days), I know that I have chosen the right profession for me! I cannot wait to get started "making my mark" on this world, but actually I have already begun. I wanted to share this song's message with everyone. Enjoy!

You will notice me
I'll be leavin' my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree
you wait and see
maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
maybe I'll paint like Van Gough,
cure the common cold
I don't know but I'm ready to start cuz I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do somethin better, with the time I've been given
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here

I will prove you wrong
if you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
cuz this streams too strong, and before too long
maybe I'll compose symphonies
maybe I'll fight for world peace
cuz I know it's my destiny to leave more that a trace of myself in this
place

I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do somethin better, with the time I've been given
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says I was here

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothin less that somethin that says I was here, I was here, I
was here, I was here

Wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says I was here
wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says I was here, I was here.

Why do these always seem to speak directly to me?!?

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Sometimes it's easy to become so goal-oriented and so focused on our dreams that we overlook the simple things that we should be enjoying in our everyday life. But we have to remember that life is not really about the destination, it's about how we live all along the way. It's about the path we're on that shines brighter and brighter.

In this life, there is no such thing as a finish line. Once you accomplish one dream, God will give you another. When you overcome one challenge, there will be another. There is always another mountain to climb. If we make the mistake of just living for the destination, we'll look up one day and realize we've missed out on the biggest part of life because most of life is routine. Most of us get up every morning, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed and do it again. There are very few mountaintops where you graduate from school, or you get married, or have a child, or go on vacation. The high times are few and far between. Don't get stuck living for the mountaintops. Learn to enjoy the path you're on. Learn to enjoy the people in your life. Learn to enjoy the simple blessings of walking in the path the Lord has prepared for you.
 
A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father God, thank You for the gift of life. Thank You for the good plan You have for me today and for my future. Teach me to enjoy the journey of life, to embrace each day with joy and enthusiasm. Help me to see the blessings of every moment You have given me. In Jesus' Name. Amen

Tilapia and Mashed Yams with Pancetta-Sage Breadcrumbs

We made this a few weeks back and loved it…so we wanted to share!!
Makes 4 servings


30 minutes


Don't have 60 minutes to roast a root vegetable? Try cooking yams in a microwave for about five minutes on each side and you'll have yams that...melt in your mouth!
Ingredients


• 2 ounces thinly sliced pancetta (Italian bacon), chopped (I used regular bacon)


• 1 cup fresh breadcrumbs (from French or sourdough bread with crust, ground in processor)


• 1 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh sage


• 2 pounds medium yams (red-skinned sweet potatoes), pierced all over with fork


• 3 tablespoons butter, divided


• 4 5-to 6-ounce tilapia fillets or eight 2-to 3-ounce fillets

Preparation

Sauté pancetta in large nonstick skillet over medium heat until crisp. Transfer to small bowl. Add breadcrumbs and 1 tablespoon chopped sage to drippings in skillet; stir over medium-high heat until breadcrumbs are almost crisp, 5 minutes. Transfer to bowl with pancetta. Cool (reserve skillet).


Place yams on plate and microwave on high until very soft, 5 to 8 minutes per side, depending on size of yam. Transfer yams to work surface. Cut yams in half lengthwise; scoop out pulp and place in medium glass bowl. Discard skin. Add remaining 11/2 teaspoons chopped sage and 1 tablespoon butter to yams; mash until almost smooth. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper.


Sprinkle fish fillets with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Melt remaining 2 tablespoons butter in same nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add fish fillets and cook until golden brown on outside and just opaque in center, 3 to 4 minutes per side. If necessary, re-warm yams in microwave. Divide mashed yams among 4 plates. Top each serving with 1 fish fillet, sprinkle generously with pancetta-sage breadcrumbs, and serve.

Enjoy!

Monday Blues...

Yesterday was not a good day.

I got my protocol for our IVF cycle.

Embryo Transfer Day is the day of my grad school graduation. Boo.

I feel like this is the same protocol they give every woman in the clinic on "the first try".

Nurse stated, "this is what the doctor feels best for you right now".

...SURE...

I hope it works.

Ugh, I really hope it works.

I want a baby so badly.

I start my BCP's tomorrow.

Then, I didn't get to give my presentation in class, as I was supposed to.

Stupid professor.

Now I have to wait another week and try not to forget all the preparations that I did ALL last week for this 2 hour presentation.

I was going to take off next Monday.

Now I can't

Now I have to go to my classes.

Ugh.

At 4:00pm, I realized I had to go to this "Exit Interview" at school, to be able to graduate.

It's to make sure you realize that you have to pay back your loans...for the rest of your natural born life.

I will be in debt forever.

There goes my Lexus SUV.

Damn it.

Ugh, damn it, again!

I need a job ASAP.

Such a lovely idea to have it at the end of the day, when we have all been in class from 9AM, and now it's 7PM, and I'm sitting in traffic on the oh so lovely streets of Baltimore.

Man, I hate this city.

I will never come back to this disgusting place after May 21, 2010.

It's dirty.

It's gross.

It's loud.

There are nasty people.

This drunk guy followed Kim and I to our car, in the parking garage, up the elevator.

I held my mace, ready at any second.

He was stumbling.

And smoking.

Eww, get away from us!

Then the parking attendant said, with no teeth, by the way, "your girlfriend is gorgeous"...

I just took the money and drove out.

What just happened?

Kim and I laughed.

He was MR.

We shouldn't judge.

We are social workers for God's sake.

It was funny though.

And, Tim is sick.

Thought it was allergies.

Nope.

Sick.

My throat kinda hurts too.

I'm not acknowledging it.

Damn, I have to wake up at 5:45AM tomorrow for Terminex.

Tim met me at the door upon arriving home and said "we are under attack".

I hate ants!

I have a whole militia in my house.

Ugh.

I have therapy tomorrow.

Amen!

Wahoo!!!

So excited!! I just got tickets for Tim and I in the 5TH ROW to see Brad Paisley (along with Darius Rucker and Justin Moore) on May 22, 2010...yes, the day after graduation and the day before our one year anniversary! He is only like one of my FAVORITE country artists, not to mention, such a great performer!!!!! I checked for available seats and basically they were around where we sat last year when we saw him, so I was going to (possibly) pass but then it said there was a promotion for individuals with Citi Cards...and I so happen to have one! I put in the first 6 digits of my card, and up-popped..row E in section 103! How cool! They weren't even anymore expensive then the others! I'm so happy! Tim and I got into a huge argument last year at the Paisley concert so we vowed last night not to let it happen this year! Wahooooooooooo!!!!

Cherry Blossom Festival

On Saturday Tim and I went down to see the Cherry Blossoms in DC, along with the other thousands of people doing the same on a warm, sunny day! We ate hot dogs on the lawn and walked A LOT! We saw some interesting things, as always, and laughed and talked. There were so many people that it was really hard to enjoy it at times but we managed, however it was Easter weekend, so really was I expecting to be the only one there?? Everything was beautiful and in full bloom!

We can't wait to bring our kids to DC to see the Nation's Capital, it is one of the blessing of living here. People come from all over the world to visit DC and we live here! As much as we want to move to a rural farm in Montana or Colorado, we love living so close to DC!

Here are a few photos from our day (I am still having trouble with my photos in this blogger website and it's really starting to piss me off, so I hope when I post this they come out ok).

The tulips were so beautiful...

There were soooo many people!!!!!!

And of course the cherry blossoms themselves...

This was a pillow fight happening right on the National Mall...there are some crazy people out there I tell ya!

And some pictures at the Washington Monument..it was seriously like the only monument that I haven't been right up to and touched...so we had to go!

All and all it was a great day! Even with Tim having an allergy attack throughout the day and the hundreds of people, we enjoyed the day very much! After we went back and got the car from the parking garage, we went down to the Fish Wharf in South-East...where we always get seafood and got some blue-crabs and lots of oysters to take home and eat! We ate like piggy's and were exhausted!!