Happy Love Day!

HAPPY {day late} VALENTINE'S DAY!

Hope you spent it with the ones you love...because I sure did!

We enjoyed some snuggle time on the couch with the girls after their baths, making sugar cookies for the NICU nurses and cooking dinner together.

As always we had crab cakes over the weekend to celebrate our Valentine's Day, but still had a nice dinner last night of some homemade french onion soup. My wonderful hubby sent me some beautiful red roses and brought me home a dozen chocolate glazed Krispie Kreme doughnuts..and yes, I did ask for them! So sweet...literally!

I spent some time with Natalee in the evening and brought the nurses some Valentine's Day cards for free coffee, hot chocolate and/or doughnuts at Krispie Kreme. I spent some of the day baking sugar cookies for them and they came out super yummy and really cute too! You have to take care of those who take care of the one's you love!

Hope you had a great LOVE day too!

Favorite Fridays - The Strongest Girl I Know!

So in love with this strong little girl...

Madelynn and Claire

Madelynn and Claire are growing and growing! They are getting huge and changing so much each day!

They are now on a four hour schedule and Mommy is loving life! Sometimes in the early morning, they will go five hours between feeds. Heaven! They are eating about 3 ounces each every four hours and most of the time they sleep between feedings, however, when they are awake, they are very aware and look around all of the time. They love to sleep on their bellies. They hate being on their back and will only sleep on their bellies most of the time. I hate this and I have to watch them constantly but it's what they prefer. I read in one of my baby books that babies normally like to sleep the way their mom sleeps, and I only sleep on my belly, so it doesn't surprise me. They can pick up their heads so well and turn to the other side and they love to look at one another. It's so cute.

They are close to seven pounds now and are looking more and more alike each day, however, I can tell them apart no problem. I can even tell who is crying without looking.

I have started actually putting them in outfits each day(not just their sleepers) and I am so enjoying it. They are so cute I can barely stand it!  They don't have many things that can fit them still and I am so ready for them to fit into newborn size clothes because they have so many matching outfits that I can't wait to put them in!

02.09.11

Madelynn 02.09.11

Claire 02.09.11

 

Madelynn 02.10.11

Claire 02.10.11

PS - Thank you Isla for sharing your cute outfits with us!!!

Update on Natalee - Post Surgery Days

I know it's been a few days since I've updated..sorry for that, but it's been hectic going back and forth to the hospital and getting things done around the house. Crazy is the only word that comes close to describing our household. I have not a second it seems to blog...and when I do think I will, I rather sleep. I will update on the twins in another post with some pictures but here is the update on Natalee.

Natalee did well on Sunday evening after her surgery. I was so happy that she had the same nurse Monday and Tuesday that she had on Sunday. On Monday her breathing tube came out and she did just fine without it.  When my mom and I went to see her on Monday evening, Natalee was exhausted beyond comprehension. The neonatalogist had been working on Natalee's picc line all day, with no success.  First of all, THEY SHAVED MY DAUGHTER'S HEAD! Yes, you heard be correctly...they wanted to see if they could get a picc line in her head but had no success. The hair cut wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but still it was so sad. Thank goodness they were sweet enough to save her hair for me. I appreciated that. Her whole body was poked and prodded, and she was whining and moaning, it was horrible. It was ten times worse seeing her Monday night then it was Sunday when she actually had the surgery. I literally almost threw up just because how upset I was, but I held it together. If she can be strong, I can. She is my motivator.

On Tuesday morning, the doctors finally got in a "long IV" in her arm but could not get a true picc line started. Tuesday am she stooled but the surgeon did not want to start food yet because they want to make sure everything that is above where the blockage was, will come out. Tuesday evening, one of the neonatalogists finally got a true picc line in her other arm. They then took out the "long IV".

On Wednesday morning, the neonatalogist was changing the dressing of the picc line and the picc line broke. Yes, it broke. After days of trying, finally getting it, it then broke! They pulled it out and had to start another one and were successful in Natalee's foot. They had to take the old one out and start the new one, a two hour process, without being able to give Nat any pain meds. I can't think about it too much because my insides start to boil with how upset that makes me. When I came in, I can't tell you how many nurses told me how hard and tortured Natalee's day was...I can't even imagine. Also, if her haircut wasn't bad enough, they shaved the rest of her head...to just see if they could find a good vein. Poor Natalee looks horrible, I can't believe they did it but I understand why and anything they had to do for her comfort and her health, is fine with me. So, she will be wearing a hat for the next few months! :(

While all of this was happening, Natalee has now developed an infection in her incision. I know...can you believe what I am saying? I mean, this child CANNOT get a break! The surgeon came and they took off the wet-looking top coat of glue and puss and discharge came out of the site. So, instead of the antibiotics ending, they will continue and they did a culture to see what was growing. The culture came back with two things...so the antibiotics were changed today to a new approach and the nurses are putting a warm compress on the site three times a day.

Here is her incision, before the infection started.

I just wish Natalee could get a break. She doesn't deserve any of this. I swear she can have anything she wants for her whole life. If she wants a new car at 16, I don't know how I will be able to say no! Diamonds, pearls, a horse...she has us wrapped around her finger. She may not remember what she went through, but I do, and that's enough for her to get whatever she wants.

We are hoping that she will get to eat tomorrow, since she stooled again. She is getting another blood transfusion today so hopefully that will perk her up too and make her color better. She is still really pale. Yesterday her demeanor was great, even after her tortured day. It just shows how strong she is. She was wide awake with her beautiful big eyes the whole time my dad and I were with her. She was sucking away on her paci too, she is so hungry.

So, please keep her in your prayers. She continues to prove to be the strongest person I have ever known. She has such a great purpose for being here. I thank God for her strenght and I pray she has comfort.

When Mommy Couldn't Hold You

When I was in Dr. Pinckert's office the other day, I came across the Triplet Connection magazine, which I haven't seen before. I decided not to subscribe to this organization because you had to pay a fee to be a part of it, but I was eager to see some of their info and maybe I would change my mind.

I really liked the magazine and I might subscribe. But while reading it, I came across this poem and it brought tears to my eyes. It is absolutely beautiful and everything I felt during the 35 days of my girls in the NICU, and now once again during a scary situation with Natalee. I think that any parent who have had a child in the NICU can relate to this poem, or a parent of multiples, as most multiples spend some time in the NICU.  It is written by a mom of triplets, and who also happens to be a social worker too.

When Mommy Couldn't Hold You

By Sarah Kamienski

"Pregnant? Us? Oh, this will be great!,"

I remember thinking that day.

Not having a clue what lay in store,

Or really knowing the way.

After days and weeks and months of growing,

You made Mommy's tummy quite large.

For each moment that you were safely inside me,

I felt that I was in charge.

Then all of the sudden - I couldn't believe it!

Mommy felt so unprepared.

When the doctor said, "This is it! Here we go!"

Mommy was so very scared.

You were not "due" for weeks to come,

I thought I had so much more time

To prepare myself, my heart, my life,

But my plans flipped on a dime.

Then all of the sudden and without much warning,

It was all taken out of my hands.

When out of my tummy you came so fast,

And then Mommy's real fear began.

Although my tummy seemed quite large for me,

You, my dear, were not.

Off to the NICU, alone, you were sent.

My heart, it leapt, felt caught.

A whole new world we entered then,

Not knowing quite what to do.

Not able to hold you, at first, even touch you

And yet, oh, how my love grew!

After just one moment of breathing you in,

My heart was forever changed.

For you had captured me with your precious spirit;

A stake in my soul, you had claimed.

I watched and I cried as they wrapped you in blankets,

Swaddling you with oh so much care.

I raised my empty hands up to Heaven,

Admitting I was so very scared.

I longed to hold you. I longed to protect you.

I longed to make it ok.

Yet, it became clear that I was no longer "in charge,"

And that all I could do was pray.

I offered my milk, I offered my presence.

I learned how to touch you just so.

That you would feel safe, cared for, and loved,

Through the glass you would know.

Then, as clearly as day, I opened my eyes

And saw for the very first time-

It wasn't the incubator that held you at all.

It was God. His hands, you were fine.

You see, dear child, I never had control,

As much as I would've liked to think.

For this was His plan, I see now so clearly.

In letting go, I found the link.

The comfort in moments of fear for tomorrow;

the solace for unending tears.

The truth that when Mommy couldn't hold you,

Dear child, He was so very near.

His angels around you, above and below,

They guarded you morning and night.

Singing sweet songs and calming your fears;

Never letting you out of their sight.

You see, my sweet angel, I have learned at long last

That there is no guarantee.

All we have is this moment to love one another,

To rest, to cherish, to be.

So, as you grow up and the memories fade

Of your days spent in the NICU,

May you always remember the closeness you felt

To the One who protected and held you.

I know you'll be scared again someday.

But whenever you feel some alarm,

Remember the truth that when Mommy can't hold you,

God holds you safe in His arms.

This poem was dedicated to Ansley, Noah and Jack; born at 28 weeks 5 days on April 22, 2008.

Update on Natalee - Surgery Results

It was really hard to see Natalee this morning, I immediately lost it when I saw her. We got to spend a few minutes with her and give her some kisses before they put the ventilator down. I was so scared. I did not know how to be strong for her because I couldn't even find it to be strong for myself. I have learned a lot today. I know I am stronger than I thought.

Tim and I were there of course, my mom, my best friend, Kim and my mom's best friend, Ann. Tim's mom was staying with the other girls at home, and it was so nice to know that they were being taken care of and I didn't have to worry.

We met with the surgeon, Dr. Stafford, who was absolutely so sweet. He was so smart and answered all of our questions. He really made me feel at ease. He said that he was 100% sure that this was a complication of having NEC and that it was really common after having NEC. I was so glad to hear that it wasn't something completely different and a new issue. He said as soon as he saw the x-rays from yesterday he was pretty sure that he knew what was going on and where he would need to look. He said he would examine every part of her abdomen. I was so glad. He showed us where he would cut her and said he is very conscious about where he cuts little girls because one day they will want to wear a bikini. I can't tell you how much that meant to me, it showed how sweet his character is, that he would think of that and I thanked him so much. It was one of the first things that I thought about. One day she will be a thirteen year old girl and I never want her to be ashamed of her scar. Just the fact that it would cross his mind, is just so nice. He said he has daughters of his own and would want someone to care for them the same way. Sweet, sweet man, I knew God sent him just for my daughter.

The anesthesiologist was so sweet too. He had twins in the NICU a few years ago. Also, Natalee had one nurse for her all day and I was so glad it was Terri. She is so sweet and takes wonderful care of Natalee. She stayed by her side throughout the whole surgery and will have Natalee for the next three days. I love when the nurses stay the same for a few days. Everyone of the nurses in the NICU are unbelievable. They are truly angels sent from above.

It was hard to say good-bye to Nat, but it was more of a c-ya later. I knew she was going to pull through just fine. It was much harder to see her first thing in the morning than it was to say c-ya later.

Half way through the surgery, Terri came out and told us that Dr. Stafford found a place of about 5-6 srictures all in the same place, about 8 centimeters worth in the small intestines. She said he was about to start cutting out and placing the intestines back together, with no bag. She was doing just fine. Wonderful news.

About another hour, the doctor came out and said everything was done and he was really pleased how everything came out. He said everything above the area taken out looked great and everything below the area looked great too. He took out 14 centimeters total. He tried to take out her appendix but couldn't get to it safely.

We headed right up to the NICU and I went right in to see her. She looked great. She was super, super warm and the incision looked really great. I was so impressed. It looked like a paper-cut; no blood, just glued together, barely even red.

The Nurse Practitioner and Terri tried to put in a picc line again but they were unsuccessful. They will try again tomorrow and we will pray they can get it.

So, tonight Natalee is doing good. She is stable. Her levels all look good. She might get some more blood tomorrow, but we just have to wait and see what her blood level show in the morning. She will also stay on the antibiotics for a few more days just to prevent infection. So the next step is waiting to see when she will stool and then food can start to be introduced again.

I could not be more proud of my little girl. She is so strong and such a fighter. I look at her, her sweet little body and I wonder how can something so small be so strong. My only feeling is that God is holding her with every breath she takes. How else could she do being doing it? She is so strong and I am sure she has a purpose higher than we know for being on this earth. She is going to great things.

Thank you Jesus for keeping my little girl safe and giving her strength above anything I could have ever imagined. I am so grateful and thankful. Thank you to all those who have been praying for our family, whether we know you or not, your thoughts and prayers are SO appreciated. The power of pray is beyond our imagination.

Update on Natalee - Surgery

Quick Update....before trying to get some sleep.

Natalee had the barium enema this afternoon and the results came back. Everything is fine in her bowel and large intestines, so the doctors feel that the blockage(s) is right at the end of the small intestines. The large intestines look great and are all normal. The small intestine is still full of air and very dilated, so that's the reason they believe the blockage is right there.

Natalee will be having surgery tomorrow morning at 9am. She is getting a blood transfusion this evening to give her plenty of strenght for tomorrow. She is still on antibiotics and still has the tube down her throat to relieve some of the pressure and air. She has two IV's and is really uncomfortable. They have given her pain meds, thank goodness to let her rest. She's still pale and still has a big tummy.

She did open her eyes a few times and looked right at me. She was still screaming and crying when anyone touched her, so that's all a good sign. Much better than when she had NEC.

Speaking of NEC, the doctor said he does believe that this is from NEC. I had mentioned that when Natalee started eating she could have scarring in the intestines/bowel from healing NEC and that seems exactly what has happened. When she was in the NICU, she was eating such a small amount of food that it was still passing through but when she came home and started wanting more food, that's when it became worse, and that's why she was spitting up so much and in such a weird way. Food just wasn't moving as quickly as it should have, hence why she wasn't hungry after 3 hours either. Everything makes sense now.

So tomorrow, it will be exploratory surgery to see what is going on. We really won't know anything until they get in there and look. She will be cut right down her abdomen, makes me so sad. Such a huge scar she will have. My perfect little baby, with such a big scar. But whatever needs to be done, is fine. It could be something in the abdomen that is pushing on the small intestines making it narrow, or it could be inside. Most likely they will cut it out and sew the intestines back together, however there is a chance where they might have to bring the intestines to the surface of the skin and therefore put a colostomy bag on. That's I guess the worst scenario. But we just don't know.

We will see what tomorrow brings. Right now, I need to feed my babies and try to get some rest. My MIL will be staying with the girls while Tim and I go to the hospital bright and early. Please keep the prayers coming. I trust God will be keeping Natalee safe and give her comfort and strenght. I am so scared. More scared than I have ever been. Right now I can't even think about tomorrow. If I could take away every inch of pain she is feeling, I would. Lord, give me strenght to be strong, but watch over my little girl. Amen.

Update on Natalee

Natalee had a stable night. She slept pretty good and only woke up when she realized that she was hungry, which the fact that she is still wanting food is great! They moved her back to an isolate due to her temperature not staying up, this morning. Her x-ray looked the same, showing lots of still air in her intestines. She is going to have a barium enema with x-rays sometime today. However, as usual things are moving very slow in the NICU. Waiting on blood work that Natalee had this morning and the blood and urine cultures will be back by this afternoon (they took 24 hours).

Hoping the x-rays show no blockages or narrowing so surgery will not be needed. Still just don't know. That's the worse; I hate not knowing. I am not patient. 

I really think the NICU made a mistake with letting her go so early. I mean, yes, I wanted her to come home but she was so small, only 3lbs 15oz...and had been sooo sick. What was I even thinking?! I hate to think that this is new infection is because of her coming home and something that could have been prevented if she would have stayed a few more days. Feeling guilty to say the least, I hope it was nothing that I did.

My poor little girl. She doesn't deserve this. Will update when we know more results. hopefully shortly.

Natalee back in NICU :(

Just a quick note to let everyone know that Natalee is back in the NICU. Basically, she was having trouble eating and staying on a schedule, or wanting to eat and being able to keep it down. Also, she hadn't had any bowel movements since Tuesday, so today I took her to the pediatrician where finally they got her to relieve herself, thank goodness. I have never been so happy to see so much poop! But her temperature was very low, very, very low...no higher than 95.8. It was going between 94.1 to 95.8, which is like FREEZING, especially when she is only, barely 4lbs.

So, we were sent right away to the ER to get an x-ray and some blood work. They took us right back, we didn't wait at all and had wonderful service. However Nat's temp just would NOT come up, even under the warmer and she was getting more and more pale as time went on. She had blood work done, which showed that she had a lower red blood cell count than before when she was in the NICU. They tested her for RSV and the flu, both negative. She had an x-ray and it showed her intestines and tummy full of air. Her tummy was very distended and hard. She had a urine sample too.

One of the Nurse Practitioners from the NICU came down and also agreed with me finally, that Natalee was pale. (No one thought she was, expect me!) She said that Natalee could come back to the NICU, amen, and would not be sent to PICU. I felt so much better about that, because if she had to stay, at least we would be in a place that we knew.

So, we went to the NICU very shortly after and had a lot more tests done. More blood work. Blood work came back and shower high levels, meaning an infection or inflammation again. We don't really know more than that. It could be a hundred different things. They just are not sure. However, it is not NEC anymore. The x-ray does not look anything like it did when she had NEC.

So, we are waiting. She is back on two antibiotics. She has the tube down her throat to her tummy to let out the air and mucus that has built up, but it is clear, not green like last time. Clear is good! She will not be getting any food though, poor, poor girl. Another x-ray and blood work will be done in the am and we will see what it will show and make a plan then. Her temp did come back to normal, thank God.

She is being herself though, very determined. She is sucking great and seems like she is starving.  She was wide awake and bright eyed. She was screaming, moaning and passing lots of gas, which is good because it means she doesn't have a blockage in her intestines, however, she could still have narrowing, which still means surgery. She will probably have a GI exam or barium enema tomorrow and then a meeting with the surgeon, if needed. Just have to wait to see what the x-ray shows and blood work.

It was of course so hard to leave her again this evening. I hate leaving my poor sick little girl, all by herself. It is simply NOT fair. She is a fighter though, we know that much. God will hold her while I cannot, that I know.

I will try to keep updates coming, but at this time, we ask for your thoughts and prayers for our sweet little girl.

First Trip out with ALL girlies!

Friday was our first trip out with all three girls and just the two of us, all alone...oh, and did I mention it was snowing the whole day too?!

Well....we survived and it wasn't that bad to be honest. We took the girls to the pediatrician where they were more than happy to help us out! First of all, we woke up kind of late...what do you expect though it was our first night home with all three girls and as tired as I was, I think it went pretty good. It is amazing how long it will take from now on to get out the door with three little ones! Phew! While I got everything ready, I asked Tim to put together the double stroller but when we got to the doctors and pulled it out it looked really strange with the car seats in it (they were like upside down practically...it looked so weird). We thought that there was no way it was right and threw it back in the trunk since it was snowing so hard and hello, we had these preemie babies out in the cold and wet. I can only imagine how funny we looked from the windows of the office building surrounding us. We just couldn't figure it out and then we couldn't figure out how the car seats came off of the crazy thing. Oh ya know, those funny stories we will tell the girls when they grow up.

The appointment went well and we met the Similac rep...and he said he would be bringing us lots of formula for the girls. Such a nice guy, and today when we went back to the pediatrician there was a case of formula waiting for us...over a $120 dollars worth of free NeoSure formula. Considering we are only putting one tablespoon per six ounces of breast milk, these cans will last us a long time! Plus the way these girls are gaining weight, they will probably be off of the NeoSure pretty soon anyway.

So, as of today, Madelynn weighs 5lbs 15oz, Claire weighs 6lbs 6oz and Natalee weighs 4lbs 1oz. All of them are doing great!

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Unfortunately, I have developed an infection in my uterus. My incision and whole lower area has been awesome, with barely any pain after the first week of my delivery. I really think the whole c-section thing was super easy after the first week...and with all my complications, it probably is a lot less for other women. So anyway, I had been feeling great and then all of the sudden last Friday I felt really sore on my abdomen, right above my incision site. I thought maybe I was getting an infection on the surface but there was no redness and it wasn't leaking any fluid from it so I wasn't too worried and I had an appointment yesterday so I figured I would wait and see. I was just scheduled for a follow-up and pap smear but I told them of my symptoms and they felt how tender I was, and Dr. Pinckert decided to do a culture instead. The coloring inside of my cervix up to my uterus was a little discolored, so he thought for sure it was an infection and put me on two antibiotics. We are still waiting for the cultures to grow and find out what it is. We have no idea what could have caused it either, I have followed ever single direction he gave me for post c-section rules. So, we are hoping it goes away with the antibiotics very quickly and of course if I develop a fever or anything worse, I have to call right away. But I can't help but worry that this could be because of all the complications that I had and it worries me that it could be the start of issues to come with my uterus. I hope it's not and I am trying to stay positive but it just is in the back of my mind. We will see but just hoping the soreness goes away.