Anna Kate's Birth Story - Part 4

On Friday morning, 5.24, my doctor came to see me and immediately I asked him if I could go home and surprisingly he said yes. I was so overjoyed and could not wait to get back home to my big girls! And the pediatrician came and said the same, Anna was perfectly fine to go home with us. All was good. Praise Jesus!

My dad stopped by on his lunch break to finally get to hold Anna, since he didn't get to on the day of her birth.

All ready to go! Get me out of this hospital! Tim and I joked about having a summer baby this time and not having to go outside when it was freezing with our little baby but this day, the start of Memorial Day Weekend, it was freezing! Tim had to put the heat on in the car before we went down to get in. I didn't bring anything but shorts and one long sleeve shirt for myself, thank goodness.

Because of Friday afternoon, holiday weekend traffic, it took us much longer to get home then we thought. Anna didn't make a peep and I slept most of the way.

When we got home, the girls were asleep but when they woke up, I was so happy to see them and they were so happy to see me! 

I didn't get photos of them meeting Anna for the first time but the next day we took some photos of them holding her. Melted my heart. It was a few moments I will never forget. All my girls together. All five. FIVE! They each gave Anna kisses and took turns hold her. Even Emily loved it. She had a fit when her turn was over. Each of the girls did so good. I loved seeing them react to Anna and it's been so cute so see them as the days have gone on with a new baby in the house.

Precious kisses from Natalee to Anna!

As of the recovery this time around, it's been much easier than with the triplets. I can breath so much easier. I'm not falling over fainting walking up the stairs. I can sleep, when Anna allows me to! My scar seems much longer this time, but maybe that is just the bandages, so we'll see when that starts to come off. The pain has been very manageable. I took vicoden and motrin 600's for about a week, and that was it. I've just been taking tylenol or advil now, mostly just for nursing pain still.

Our scale is messed up right now, but I go to the doctor next week and I can't wait to see how much weight I have lost. My tummy is shrinking more as each day passes, but that tummy tuck is still in the back of my mind for one day! When I'm able, I will be starting to exercise to get back into shape from these five babies in 2.5 years!

And nursing, it's going great. I'm breastfeeding her and pumping. I already have quite the supply built up in the freezer and each time I pump I'm getting about 8-10 ounces in about 12-16 minutes. Yeah...crazy, I am a milk maid for sure! I'm sure as Anna eats more on her own, I won't be getting as much pumped milk so I am glad that I have the supply built up. Anna is eating great. She's already looking bigger to me. 

Next up: How it's been with 5 Under 2.5: The first Week, How much the girls Look Alike and My first day alone with all Five (which was TODAY!).

Anna Kate's Birth Story - Part 3!

Part 1

Part 2

Finally late Wednesday night, we were able to go down to the NICU and see her, hold her and talk to her nurse. Sitting there talking with her nurse, someone I didn't know from before, I was so emotional. Why me again? Why my baby again? I started getting scared and feeling like I just didn't deserve this again. My little baby struggling in the first few hours of life and she is considered a full-term baby! I blew it off when my OB said she might end up in the NICU. How could I have been so naive? Not like me at all and yet here I am at 11pm looking at another one of my innocent children struggling with life and yet I can't be there at every second to cuddle and love on her. It just wasn't fair. I didn't understand.

But I've always tried to look at it as a blessing. A blessing that we have technology and medical advances that are wonderful. I was surrounded by amazing and knowledgeable doctors and nurses who came to lend a hand, offer a hug, just say hello and how beautiful our little Anna-Kate is. Nurses and doctors who remembered us. Remembered our girls. Those smiling faces and sweet hellos are what made my heart smile. I knew my little girls were in great hands before and I know once again that Anna-Kate couldn't be in better care. I relished in that peace. It's all I could do. God would handle the rest.

We learned a lot more about why she was in the NICU in the first place and what needed to be done for her to be able to leave. I'll try to make this as short as possible. The nurse said that they expected the fluid in her lungs to absorb, hopefully. She had been on the c-pap without oxygen and then they tried her without it. She didn't even last an hour off of the machine before having to be put back on it with oxygen. She looked so uncomfortable and I hated watching her struggle to breath. No mother wants to see their child struggle to do anything, especially breath. Heartbreaking. She had an IV for fluids and to keep her blood sugar up. She had a feeding tube put in too, which I hated to see.

Finally holding her, fighting back the tears.

They said they would try to take her off of the c-pap sometime over night. So we said our good-nights and headed back to our room, baby-less. It sucked. There's no other way to say it. It's not right to deliver your baby and go back to an empty room. 

I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I heard the babies around me in other rooms and wondered if my little girl was crying for her Momma too? The itching was horrible. The pain was pretty bad. My IV hurt, my catheter hurt, the sweating, the itching....oh the itching! I did not sleep one minute. Just kept starring at the clock and waiting for 6am when I knew the nurse said she would be back in to take out my catheter and take off the clotting pressure things on my legs. And I was starving and wanted to see my baby!!!!

By the way, it was our 4th Anniversary, May 23rd. I've spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Years Day, Valentine's Day (all with the girls in the NICU) and now one of our Anniversaries (AK) in the hospital.

Finally after I ate and got some morphine, instead of what I was on for pain (because I didn't know what the heck was causing so much itching...if it was the antibiotics, the narcotics, the spinal, or a combo of it all) we ventured down to the NICU, after shift change and before rounds.

I was so happy to see Anna-Kate not on c-pap and breathing on her own! She looked so different and her face was so bright and healthy looking. She really looked so much better than the night before. They also took out her feeding tube and so she was able to nurse very well. My heart was mending seeing my little girl doing so much better. 

During rounds Dr. S and all the nurses were impressed to see how well she was doing. Dr. S said they would back down on her IV and hopefully she would be back with us by this afternoon/evening. That made my heart very happy. She also had another one of our nurses that we had from before, which was nice. 

We went back to our room for lunch and my best friend came back down to stay with me while Tim went home for a little bit to help with the girls. I also had some other wonderful visitors that kept my spirits up and brought some sweet gifts for Anna! When Tim got back, we were just about to get ready and go down to the NICU when the NICU nurse knocked at our door and had Anna with her. I couldn't stop smiling! My baby girl was back with her Momma and Daddy!

A few minutes later my mom arrived and finally got to hold her. I was able to take a shower and that helped my itching so much. It felt so good to get clean.

Our good friends, Nathan and Emily came to see us and brought me the best chocolate cake I have ever had! Oh my it was so darn good!

Happy Daddy!

Anna had a great night that first night with us. Of course I just couldn't stop holding her and starring at her. She was so sweet. I wanted to see all of her and take her all in.

Part 4: Go-Home Day and Meeting my Big Sisters...coming!

Anna-Kate's Birth Story - Part 2

Part 1 Here

Before I knew it, it was time to go to the OR. I asked if I was going to walk and they said, yes. I was glad because as silly as it may be, I wanted to walk one more time with my big belly and take in the last few minutes of being pregnant. I sat on the table getting ready for my spinal and just took the last few seconds in. I started to get nervous but the general surgeon was so sweet. The spinal was fine. A little painful but really I never think they are too painful. It's so quick and over with before you can think about it, I really don't mind it. By the time I said, ouch, it was done. It did go in waayyy faster than I remember with the girls or with Emily. By the time they helped me to lay back, I was getting more and more numb by the seconds. I really couldn't believe that. I remember with the girls that it took forever for it to kick in.

The moment I laid down, it was like I was a hurt hyena being swarmed by hungry lions. Every part of my body had something or someone doing something to it. It overwhelmed me, made me nervous and scared and I started to get really faint and anxious. For about two minutes I was freaking out, couldn't think or focus on anything and then I felt my blood pressure cuff tighten, just in time. The anesthesiologist said, "oh your blood pressure is really dropping" and I said, "yeah I can really tell, I feel very, very weird". He gave me something immediately and within a minute or two I was much more relaxed and barely able to keep my eyes open. And I stayed like that the whole time but those few minutes of panic were horrible. Something new that I hadn't had with the girls was an awesome warming blanket that puffs up on your chest and arms and blows hot air the whole time so you don't get the shakes and feel freezing. Man was it wonderful!!!! All I remember last time was the horrible shaking, being frozen and not being able to get warm, so this blanket was AWESOME! I had just a few moments where the shaking was there but not an issue. Nothing like last time that's for sure. Tim even agreed that the blanket was wonderful because he could feel all the warm air too and since the OR is always freezing, it was great for him also.

The thing I am going to remember while waiting this time for her actual moment of birth is feeling so tired and impatient. I was like, what is taking soooo long!? Finally when they said to expect some pressure, I wasn't thinking it would be much since I didn't remember that with the girls. I was wrong.  Holy moly! I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest! It was so crazy. My shoulder was being pushed down and it just seemed like forever for her to actually be born. That was definitely a new experience and not one that was so nice. I like it lasted forever.

Finally after all that pressure, I heard Anna's little feisty cry! Music to my ears! My sweet, sweet daughter. My fifth daughter! I am now a mother to FIVE daughters! I could barely believe it. I told Tim to get up and start taking photos immediately because with Emily or the girls I never got those "first breath" moments on camera and I wanted it this time.

It seemed like forever that I didn't get to see her. They kept working on her and I was like, where is my baby! I wanted to see her so bad. Finally Dr. S, the neonatalogist came over and said she was doing well but having some trouble breathing so they were working on her. Working on her? Like what? I kept asking Tim what was going on but he just kept saying everything was fine, she looks great. He kept asking me every five seconds if I was okay, which of course made me nervous even more. 

A few more minutes passed and they finally showed her to me. All wrapped up, perfect as can be. I was so happy to see her little face, but it didn't last long, they took her right back, and away from me.

Before I knew it, the neonatologist came back and said that they were in fact going to take her to the NICU. I was really surprised. The nurses started asking for a transport bed and what area she would be going to. I was so nervous but they assured me she was okay, she just needed a little help to breath. Yeah, I've been down this path before. It's not fun. I prepared for it last time, this time it struck me like a ton of bricks. Why is another one of my children going to the NICU struggling to breath? She is supposed to be full-term! I know even full-term babies have their troubles, but I was just so sad to once again be separated from my baby! AGAIN!

They let me kiss her goodbye and off she went to the NICU. I said a few prayers and literally couldn't believe it was happening again. My baby was struggling to breath!

It took forever for them to sew me up. Again, I kept thinking, what is taking so long. I guess when I had the girls, I was just so incredibly out of it, that I didn't have a grasp on the time, like I did this time. I know it all didn't take that long, but it seemed like every minute was an hour. Plus, my mind was on my baby and what was happening to her.

After awhile, they moved me from the OR bed to a recovery bed and off I went to post-op.  A few minuted before I was moved to post-op, I started itching. It started with my face, neck, head and worked it's way down the more the spinal wore off. And let's just say that was the beginning of a horrible reaction to something. The nurses said it was normal, but let me assure you, I don't think it was. I was going nuts, and I mean NUTS over how itchy I was. In the post-op I had the maximum dose of Benadryl which did nothing to ease the itching. I was going insane. It was so bad. It lasted for almost 48 hours before I was completely itch free. I googled the antibiotics they had me on and the pain meds to make sure nothing had sulfa in it, which I am very allergic to. I almost thought they must have left a latex glove inside my belly (I'm allergic to latex too) because something was just not right and nothing would ease it. I don't know what it was, but it was not fun!

I begged Tim to go over to the NICU and find out what was going on with Anna and so finally he was given the go to do so by the nurses. He went over and was gone awhile but sent me some photos from his phone. I was so shocked to see that they had put Anna on c-pap which is a respiratory machine that forces air into the lungs. I knew immediately when I saw the photo and it of course again brought so many fears over me. I've been down this road before. The tube down her throat, c-pap, IV for fluids...ugh, it was a sight I was trying to forget and here I was again. I ached to hold her in those moments. My body ached for her. To be taken from me and once again not to be with my baby. It just wasn't fair.

While he was gone, I had a few scary moments where I started to bleed a little heavier, which of course scared the crap out of me. I thought, oh my goodness, here we go again! But luckily just after 20 minutes or so it slowed to normal. Oh, and the nurse I had for the second part of my delivery/post-op was a nurse that helped in the delivery room with the triplets, so she has been at 4 out of 5 of my deliveries. Pretty neat!

After two long hours in recovery, the nurses said they could wheel me by to see her in the NICU. Thank goodness. I needed to see her. I wanted to ask a million questions about what was going on. Finally, I laid my eyes on my little beauty once again. I hated seeing her in distress and it broke my heart. I only got to visit with her for a few minutes and touch her foot. I said a few prayers and talked with her nurse, Cheryl, which was one of our favorite nurses from before. She was so sweet and assured me Anna was doing well. I had to quickly say goodbye and once again left my daughter to be cared for by others. It was so emotional.

The nurses wheeled me to my room and finally my dad and my best friend could come back. They had been waiting all day to see me and Anna. They got to go in and see Anna way before I did, so I knew she was getting lots of love. A few minutes later my mom was there and she also go to go see Anna. 

Part 3, coming soon!

Anna Kate's Birth Story: Morning of Delivery and 37 Week Photos!

On the morning of Anna's birth, I was barely nervous at all. I was more anxious to get to the hospital and get things going! Before leaving we took some photos. I thought I would be a lot more of a mess leaving the girls but really I wasn't. I was a little sad, but what could I do, I had to go!

Last photo of our family of six!

Here are my last belly pictures EVER....at 37 weeks! Really I think I look pretty good, considering how exhausted I was. I only gained 25-27 lbs this pregnancy.

We left for the hospital at 9:10AM. Arrived at the hospital at a little before 10:00AM. Came in and waited, waited and waited. I was really started to get nervous and just a little emotional but finally around 11:00AM, we got to go back to pre-op. The nurse looked really familiar and she thought the same when we met. We realized right away that we had met at our mutual friend's house for a fall party with all of our kids. SO crazy, and I remembered talking to her the whole time! How awesome it was to see a familiar face and know I would be taken care of! She was so sweet.

Got changed. Had my IV put in. Met with Dr. R. Met with anesthesiologist. Met with the general surgeon. Dr. R and I talked about the hysterectomy and things surrounding that, I reminded him that I do not want percocet due to it making me so sick last time with the girls. I also asked about leaving on Friday evening and immediately was shut down on that. So, as of then it was Saturday for a discharge. :( We also talked about he fact that Anna might have to go to the NICU because she is only 37 weeks. He said a neonatalogist would be in the room (ironically the same one we had with the girls, Dr. S) to watch her breathing and make sure all was okay. Honestly I didn't think much of it. Every birth I've had a neonatologist  there and I honestly just figured he was telling us this because he had to. Really I brushed it off. How naive of me. I should have known better.

Please excuse the blurriness and stretch marks, but a part of me will always remember that big belly!

And just like that, the clock struck 12 and we were off to the OR....

Prayers!

I was just informed that my dear friend gave birth to her triplet girls last week at barely over 24 weeks. We normally talk each week, but I didn't think much of it when I didn't hear from her until she called tonight. I knew in her voice immediately something was wrong. She told me her girls were delivered via c-section after three long days of being in the hospital and doctors trying to stop her delivery. Finally, the doctors did all they could and her girls were born weighing 1lb 7oz and the other two girls at 2lbs.

The girls are doing well and stable at this time. Please join me in keeping these precious angels in your thoughts and prayers. 

Unfortunately, I know all too well what she is going through at this time and all the prayers sent her way are surely appreciated. The sadness, the fear, the anxiety. My heart aches for her. I know what her heart is feeling right now. I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone.

Thank goodness she is in a wonderful hospital with wonderful doctors and nurses to watch over and protect her girls and be there to support her. (the same hospital all my girls were born at) 

I am reminded of this poem that I saw awhile ago and posted it...

When Mommy Couldn't Hold You

By Sarah Kamienski

"Pregnant? Us? Oh, this will be great!,"

I remember thinking that day.

Not having a clue what lay in store,

Or really knowing the way.

After days and weeks and months of growing,

You made Mommy's tummy quite large.

For each moment that you were safely inside me,

I felt that I was in charge.

Then all of the sudden - I couldn't believe it!

Mommy felt so unprepared.

When the doctor said, "This is it! Here we go!"

Mommy was so very scared.

You were not "due" for weeks to come,

I thought I had so much more time

To prepare myself, my heart, my life,

But my plans flipped on a dime.

Then all of the sudden and without much warning,

It was all taken out of my hands.

When out of my tummy you came so fast,

And then Mommy's real fear began.

Although my tummy seemed quite large for me,

You, my dear, were not.

Off to the NICU, alone, you were sent.

My heart, it leapt, felt caught.

A whole new world we entered then,

Not knowing quite what to do.

Not able to hold you, at first, even touch you

And yet, oh, how my love grew!

After just one moment of breathing you in,

My heart was forever changed.

For you had captured me with your precious spirit;

A stake in my soul, you had claimed.

I watched and I cried as they wrapped you in blankets,

Swaddling you with oh so much care.

I raised my empty hands up to Heaven,

Admitting I was so very scared.

I longed to hold you. I longed to protect you.

I longed to make it ok.

Yet, it became clear that I was no longer "in charge,"

And that all I could do was pray.

I offered my milk, I offered my presence.

I learned how to touch you just so.

That you would feel safe, cared for, and loved,

Through the glass you would know.

Then, as clearly as day, I opened my eyes

And saw for the very first time-

It wasn't the incubator that held you at all.

It was God. His hands, you were fine.

You see, dear child, I never had control,

As much as I would've liked to think.

For this was His plan, I see now so clearly.

In letting go, I found the link.

The comfort in moments of fear for tomorrow;

the solace for unending tears.

The truth that when Mommy couldn't hold you,

Dear child, He was so very near.

His angels around you, above and below,

They guarded you morning and night.

Singing sweet songs and calming your fears;

Never letting you out of their sight.

You see, my sweet angel, I have learned at long last

That there is no guarantee.

All we have is this moment to love one another,

To rest, to cherish, to be.

So, as you grow up and the memories fade

Of your days spent in the NICU,

May you always remember the closeness you felt

To the One who protected and held you.

I know you'll be scared again someday.

But whenever you feel some alarm,

Remember the truth that when Mommy can't hold you,

God holds you safe in His arms.

This poem was dedicated to Ansley, Noah and Jack; born at 28 weeks 5 days on April 22, 2008.

Welcome to the World, Sweet Little Emily!

Yesterday, Thursday, January 26, 2012, we welcomed our newest sweet baby girl into our family!

-- Emily June --

7 lbs. 14 oz.


19 3/4 inches long


6:58 PM


Born by an extremely easy and so rewarding VBAC!!!!


We are rejoicing in God's wonderful miracles and thanking Him for a perfect delivery of our sweet Emily!


We are so in love with all the sweet smells and noises filling our hospital room!


We're all doing great and looking forward to getting home tomorrow so that she can join her BIG sisters!


Birth story to come!