Just another day in our house...

I snapped some photos the other day because the girls were being so sweet with Anna and she was just loving all the attention...

Emily saying, "hi baby"

Playing music for Anna

Maddy giving her some fake food she made.

Natalee sharing a fake bite too.

These girls make my heart smile. I sure love them more than anything!

I'm guilty of....

...using the TV to quiet my littles, especially when I'm alone all day with all five.

...giving Anna whole milk, on accident. Just barely an ounce with about 3 ounces of breast milk. Felt horrible and guilty for days...way longer than she felt "sick".

...not leaving the house for days, maybe even a week at a time.

...taking a nap almost every day.

...not answering the phone, because I don't feel like using another ounce of energy to talk to anyone.

...choosing the longest lines at the store just to have a few more minutes to myself.

...giving PB&J a few days in a row for lunch.

...bribing my girls with french fries. They don't get them often and it's a perfect way to get them to leave the park, come inside, leave the pool, ect...

...being jealous of the "freedoms/hobbies" my husband has while I manage everything.

...not nearly spending enough time taking care of myself, like I should.

...feeling guilty about everything I do as a parent, most days.

...skipping meals because I just don't have time to eat and I don't have the energy to make something.

...eating way too much sugar! Just ask anyone who knows me!

...wishing I was brave enough to go away alone to do nothing but relax....on a beach...in the quiet. Too much guilt about leaving my babies with anyone but their Momma.

...feeling like there will never be enough money and getting sad when I can't do/take/let my girls experience something because it costs too much, right now.

...really not liking what five kids in 2.5 years has done to my body.

...fantasizing about the day I get to take my five little princesses to Disney!

...not remembering what life was like when I just had three little babies.

...not praying enough.

...eating summer tomatoes like apples. CAN.NOT.GET.ENOUGH!

...wanting my house to always be perfect, or at least seem that way.

...being scared of change. For example, making the plunge to move to PA.

...getting mad at our dog or cat because it's jut one more thing to take care of!

...listening to the conversations my neighbors have on the phone, while they are sitting on their deck. Ha!

...leaving wet laundry in the washing machine too long and then having to re-wash it.

...not having enough patience.

Oncology Update

So I know it's been awhile since I have updated on what will be going on with my surgery to remove possible cancerous cells in my cervix. The reality is, not much has changed. I went to see the oncologist 6 weeks after my c-section and he was just as cold and mean as the first time I met with him. I really cannot stand him but I don't have much choice.

My dad came with me since I had to bring Anna too, I needed someone to watch her and frankly I wanted someone for some moral support too, since Tim had to stay at home and watch the other girls. My dad and I are really close, so it was great to have him there with me. 

After waiting over 2.5 hours (!!!!) to see the doctor, he finally came in and quickly and briefly stated that because I am breast-feeding, I am producing little or no estrogen and therefore it's like I am in menopause and therefore he can't get a good assessment of what's going on and where to go. Really, I was totally bummed and very upset that I had drove an hour, waited 2.5 hours and now it was after 6:30pm and that's all. He was so rude, but I kept telling myself that I have heard good things about him as a doctor and not to let his lack of personality affect me. He reluctantly said he would, "take a look" but that it was too soon to do anything. 

So we went into another room and he started to do a colposcopy. He then started scrapping, and scrapping and scrapping, while telling me that, "all the cervical skin is just falling off". I asked if that was normal for after you have a baby and he said, "sometimes". Thanks for the answer, doc. Then after I was was cringing and practically screaming with tears in my eyes, he stopped and got a different tool and stated that he was going to take some biopsies. I was glad on one hand because I was there and I wanted some answers but the pain was almost unbearable. Of course I was laying down, but I started seeing stars and I knew it wasn't too long until I was going to pass out. The room was SO hot. After he finished, which seemed like forever, he joked and said, "I guess I shouldn't drop this specimen on the floor", I guess implying that I was such a baby about the whole thing. Like I said, he and I are not on good terms. I looked at the cup of specimen he took and it was like at least a 1/2 cup of fluid, skin, cells, blood..whatever. I couldn't believe how much it was. 

When he left the room, I sat in almost tears. I was in so much pain, so hot and so mad that he was such a jerk. My dad came in and we talked while I collected myself while bending over the cold air-conditioning. Even my dad thought he was an idiot and was surprised at his lack of care.

So all in all, he told me to call in two weeks for my results and then come back either when I stop breast-feeding or when it's been four more months. I left completely pissed off.

My dad and I went to dinner and I took this cute photo of Anna. She loved having some one on one time with her grandpa!

I absolutely love this outfit on her!

I waited those two weeks and finally called for my results last Friday. The nurse looked up my name, paused and said, "hold on". That didn't leave me with a good feeling and of course I thought the worse. She came back on the phone and said that she needed to make me an appointment to be seen so the doctor could explain the results to me. Again, enter sheer panic. I was shocked and I asked if she could give me some information on what the results stated, specifically if it was cancer. I told her a little bit about my background and she finally told me that it was high grade lesions/cells, only in the cervix. I told her this is what it's been and asked repeatedly if anything had changed to cancer and she said, "no". I was so happy to hear. She said I still needed to make an appointment though so we scheduled one. I told her that the doctor said I didn't need to come back for 4 months but she made me make an appointment anyway. Whatever, fine. A few minutes later she called back and stated that she had just talked with the doctor and showed him my results and he stated that I needed to be seen "right away". Again, I was shocked and really wondering why things had changed so fast. There weren't any appointments available for "right away" and the soonest appointment was the one that I had already scheduled. She put me at the top of the waiting list for soonest available appointment and would call if anything changed.

So, as of now my appointment is in about two weeks, July 30th. I am pretty sure he will want to do a cone biopsy but the one thing about that procedure that makes me nervous is the fact that it makes it harder to identify abnormal cells in the future so that doesn't give me much confidence that if the cancerous cells came back, they would find them right away, and that scares me. Who knows. I will update more after my appointment on July 30th when hopefully I have some answers.

Thank you to those who are keeping me and my family in your prayers. It's always appreciated and we are so thankful to have such a wonderful support system!

4th of July and Swimming!

Oh well....I know these are a little late but I am slowly catching up on all my photos and blog posts.

The 4th of July has to be one of my favorite holidays. I have always been very patriotic and love celebrating the wonderful nation I live in. 

I swear Emily had a flag shirt, but she got her breakfast all over her before I could take photos and so I had to change her shirt! Err! And, Anna, well she was sleeping and I was not going to wake her.

Also, this was the first day I put the big girl's hair in pony-tails. I cannot believe that their hair is long enough to do it finally. They look like such big girls. Natalee was already pulling hers out though and since I had put hair spray in it, it looked like a hot mess. Oh well.

In the afternoon, my best friend Kim, her hubby Roger, their niece Kayla and I took the triplets to our community pool. The girls had a blast and so did I. It was nice having extra hands and catching up with Kim. It was just way too hot to take Anna, and Emily, so Tim happily stayed back with them in the air conditioning, while watching sports center.

Needless to say, it was an early night to bed! Maybe fireworks next year? Maybe.

Every day since we went swimming, Claire especially asks me to "swimming in water, pool, Mommy!" and constantly brings me her bathing suit. My goal is to take the big girls at least once per week and now I know I can handle it alone, so hopefully this goal becomes a reality.

Anna-Kate: ONE Month!

Anna, You are ONE month old. Today is June, 22nd, 2013....but obviously this is posted a little late.

You are so beautiful. I still can't figure out who you look like. Everyone says Emily, but I swear that's not right. When I look at Emily's one month photos, you don't look like her at all. I think you look like the triplets, especially Maddy and Claire...but more Maddy then anyone. Your face and her face and rounded the exact same way. But I also think your mouth is so Natalee, in the way it is perfectly shaped. No matter what you are so beautiful and I can't stop starring at you.

You have dark grey/blue eyes.

You have the most perfect lips.

Your nails grow so fast, I swear I have to cut them every three days or so.

Your hair is still a light brown with some red/blonde in it. It is definitely is on the lighter side though, and so soft.

You probably weigh around 8.5 - 9lbs. You have definitely grown. Your head has doubled in size, I swear.

Your skin has finally stopped flaking off.

You are now in size one diapers. You have very sensitive skin and I need to put diaper cream on you all the time. You haven't had any big blow-outs...yet.

You are wearing Newborn clothes and will be for awhile I think. 

You love baths now and it almost puts you to sleep.

You are eating every three hours. You are a very fussy eater. I don't know if it's reflux or not, but I am keeping a close eye on it and trying to figure out what it is that's causing you to be so fidgety and uncomfortable.

You are still on 100% breast milk.

You sleep between most of your feedings but you have a lot more periods of being awake now, and your eyes are so bright and wide open when you are awake. You love to bob your head all around and see what's going on.

You LOVE to lay on your belly, flat or in the boppy pillow.

You have found the TV and are mesmerized by it at night if you see it.

You love the swing.

You went on your first road trip to PA, a 2 hour car drive and you did great. You were definitely our best behaved child in the car. And on the way home, you started crying one exit before our house...so I'd say once again, you were the best behaved child then too!

You met so many of your wonderful family and our close friends in PA. Everyone loved you to pieces and you got very used to being held. No one wanted to put you down, but I can't blame them, you are so sweet to snuggle with...but it has been a rude awakening for you since we've been home.

You love your binki. And you will love your new lovie that your Auntie and Uncle gave you. I have been searching for a very specific one for you and they found one and gave it to you. It's perfect and so far you seem to agree.

You love to be swaddled. I moved you to your pack-n-play (still right next to me), but still have you swaddled, and laying in the boppy to prop you up some to sleep. You are doing great.

You pretty much go everywhere with me. Daddy can handle your four sisters pretty good, so I take you with me most of the time for errands and appointments. I have left you a few times and even though it overwhelms your Daddy, he still handles five little ones really well...I can't complain too much!

We love to you pieces, our sweet Anna! I can't believe you've been here a whole month already and I can't remember what life was like before you! (Whom I kidding...yes, I can...I was MISERABLE and couldn't wait for you to get out of me!! :) )